Saving Grace
by Nota Bene
Summary: REVISED! Addison made a mistake once. So did Derek. Everyone makes mistake and everyone knows how easy it is to forgive others for their mistakes. It takes more grit to forgive them for having witnessed your own.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hi y'all! It's me again. I've recently had vacation from school/work and somehow became infatuated with Addison and Grey's Anatomy all over again. I started reading fanfiction again, and realized I never finished this story. Then I realized that if I was going to finally finish it, I might as well read over the whole thing. So I have. Nothing much has changed, just small details and I changed a scene or two. Especially that big dramatic one later on (what was I thinking??) Anyways, here it is, the revised version of Saving Grace. I hope you enjoy it again, and of course, leave your comments-good or bad. **

**Sorry it took so long, but I hope it was worth it. Enjoy!**

**Disclamer: I don't own anything. At all. Whatsoever. **

**Saving Grace**

**Chapter one**

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_"Addi, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't. It's over now."_

_._

_._

He didn't want her around anymore, she knew that. Addison knew a lot of things. She knew that it was cold and raining. She knew it was the middle of the night.

But she didn't know how she ended up in front of Meredith Grey's house.

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Addison remembered getting into the car and driving. She had stopped at Joe's, staying for a few minutes. She had a shot of tequila, but that was it. After that she didn't really remember. She just knew that she, Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd was standing outside Meredith Grey's house as the rain fell around her.

Going up to the door, Addison knocked lightly subconsciously hoping no one would hear her. Muffled footsteps sounded from inside and through the glass she saw George O'Malley coming towards her. Callie was right behind him.

George opened the door and looked at her with confusion written on his face.

"Dr. Shepherd?" He asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I…um…Meredith. I need to speak with Meredith. Is she home?"

Somehow Addison had managed to find her voice, thanking whoever up there was looking out for her that it didn't crack.

George was looking at her. So was Callie.

And Callie knew. Her face held a look of pity and anger. Anger at god only knows, and the pity… Addison couldn't take the pity.

"Please, is she here, I really need to talk with her."

Callie answered her. "She's still at the hospital; she won't be home for at least another hour. Do you want to wait for her?"

Addison shook her head. "No, thank you. I'll just…I'll come back later." She turned around slowly and walked over to her car. She heard footsteps behind her.

"Are you okay?" it was Callie. She had followed Addison out of the house.

" Yes Dr. Torres, I'm fine." She answered automatically. Callie gave her a pointed look, "Really Dr. Shepherd?" Addison opened the door to her car and slipped in quietly.

Before she could close the door, a hand stopped it. "I'm here. If you need me."

Addison nodded and gave Callie a small smile.

"Thank you."

Callie made her way back inside as Addison drove off and was greeted by a father bemused face from George.

"What?"

"I didn't know you were close with the She-Shepherd." He was using his fidgety tone.

She smirked at him. "Don't worry. I wasn't flirting with her…" Callie wrapped her arms around his neck as they made their way up the stairs.

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Addison headed back to Joe's to wait. As she walked through the door, a few heads turned in her direction. Nobody she really knew, but she recognized a few of the faces from work. She made her way to the bar.

"Dr. Shepherd, welcome back. Meeting anyone this time?"

"Hi Joe, it's just going to be me tonight."

"Well, we always enjoy your company." Joe gave her a small smile as he cleaned the counter. "What'll it be?"

She shook her head slightly, "Nothing yet Joe" She gave him a weak smile as she slid onto a stool. Bailey came up besides her, giving Joe a quick hello.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Bailey."

"How're you doing Addison?"

"I'm good Miranda. How's Will?" Joe handed Bailey a glass of water and she thanked him.

Addison turned to look at her. Bailey was faced towards the counter and she stayed that way as she drank.

"It's sort of wrong to drink water in a bar…"

"If anyone asks, I'll say its vodka."  
"Smooth Bailey, very smooth." Addison chuckled softly.

"Everything ok in paradise?" Bailey finally turned to look at her. "You know, people have been talking…"

Addison sighed. "I know Miranda."

"Shepherd wouldn't—"

"Please. Don't talk about Derek right now." She covered her face with her hands as she leaned all her weight against the bar. Bailey placed her hand on Addison's shoulder as she got up.

She turned to leave and said gently to Addison. "Shepherd wouldn't ignore you if you needed him." She headed towards the exit.

As Miranda reached the door she turned back once to glance at the slumped form of Addison Shepherd.

.

Addison didn't bother looking at the clock as she once again walked to Meredith's front door. Screw the time. Addison didn't care if it was late or not, she needed to talk with Meredith. She knew she had stayed at the bar for at least an hour and a half, according to Joe, before she decided to try again.

Addison reached the front door and knocked.

And once again, it was George O'Malley who answered. Callie wasn't with him this time.

He opened the door and she stepped through the threshold of the house.

"Is Dr. Grey back yet?" she asked as the front door shut behind her. O'Malley started leading her into the kitchen as he answered.

"She just got in a few minutes ago. I'll go get her for you."

Addison situated herself at the table while she waited.

At some point the rain had stopped, leaving a light drizzle. She concentrated on the sound of the water droplets bouncing off the gutter.

The last time Addison had concentrated on the rain like that had been in New York, before she had come to Seattle. Before she had tried to win back Derek.

Her eyes watered slightly as she thought about Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd?" She didn't hear Meredith come in.

Addison dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her sleeve and quickly turned towards Meredith.

Meredith walked closer to her as Addison stood on shaky legs.

"Dr. Shepherd. I—George said you needed to speak to me. He said you stopped by earlier, I was at the hospital."

"I know." Addison said silently. She headed slowly towards the entrance hall.

"Dr. Shepherd, what did you need?" Meredith asked her.

Addison stopped where she was, her hand on the doorknob. Slowly she shook her head. A clap of thunder echoed through the house-the rain had started again.

"I don't know Dr. Grey, I don't know."

She could feel Meredith's worried gaze on her back as she opened the door and stepped forward into the dribble and mist.

"Dr. Shepherd, Addison. Is everything alright? Are you ok?"

The worry in her voice was highly noticeable and Addison definitely noticed.

"No, Dr. Grey. I'm not fine. But I will be." She was out the door when she heard Meredith following her like Callie had earlier that evening.

"Addison, tell me what happened, please. Did he, did—" Addison quickly cut her off. The fury and desolation that hung on every word that came out of her mouth were radiated through the continuous thunder claps that swayed through the two women who stood surrounded by the dark and wet Seattle night.

"Don't mention the name Mark Sloan. Not to me, not tonight."

"Addison, what did he do?"

Addison turned slowly to look at her as she got into her car to drive home.

"He left me Meredith. Just like Derek."

The bolts of lightening that flashed through the dreary sky were the ones that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd drove away to, leaving Meredith standing on the street.

The thunder crashed in the skies. Again.

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Author's note: And we're off!

I didn't realize that by deleting the previous version, it deleted all the reviews/favorites. I'd like to know that you enjoyed (or not) and anything else you have to say so drop me a line!

Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Saving Grace**

**Chapter two**

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Fifteen minutes later, Meredith was standing in the same position as she had been when Addison left. The news about her and Mark had left Meredith dazed.

"Poor Addison." She whispered to the night. She started thinking back to the last few months that had flown by in a blur.

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After the prom "incident", Addison had asked Derek for a divorce. Once she found out about him sleeping with Meredith, she couldn't take it anymore. The pain of trying to get Derek to love her like he used to was too much for Addison and she filed for divorce. It took a few weeks, but eventually Derek signed and Addison Shepherd was once again Addison Montgomery. At least during her personal life. At work she was still known as Dr. Shepherd.

Derek and Meredith had ended up together after the split, as was expected, but their relationship didn't last for long. Derek was too deeply in love with Addison at that point, even though he had never shown her.

When he slept with Meredith, it had been the bottom line for him, a parting….something. Not that he didn't love Meredith. It wasn't just for the sex. He did love her, but he was _in_ love with Addison.

And Meredith knew that. She respected that.

Addison was his wife, they had been married for eleven years, if he wasn't in love with her then something between them was entirely wrong. But Derek did love Addison and Meredith understood that.

Yet once the divorce had been finalized, Meredith and Derek had gotten together. At the beginning he had been moody and upset but after that first week he had lightened up tremendously.

Until the whole thing with Mark and Addison started---they had hooked up.

Nobody knew why Addison had ended up with Mark and nobody was about to ask her. Nobody except Meredith.

One day at the hospital, Meredith had walked over to Addison after a surgery and pulled her into one of the supply closets. Addison had reacted towards her in a cool, calm, collected manner. Meredith had literally grabbed her and shoved her into the empty closet, locking the door and all Addison did was cross her arms over her chest and look at her.

She seemed to have decided not to give in to the urge to bicker with Meredith about it and had settled for indifference.

However, indifference was never Addi's strong point, especially when it involved Derek Shepherd and she sincerely doubted Meredith Grey was locking her in a closet to gossip about the weather.

"Grey, what are you doing?"

Meredith looked like an animal trapped in a cage regardless of this whole thing being her decision. Why had she done it again? It was stupid; she should just let Addison go. But she needed to know. She wouldn't tell Derek but she needed to know, for her own sake, and maybe Addison's too.

"Grey, I don't have all day. What do you want?"

"I…" Meredith hesitated.

Addison's patience was gone.

"Come on Grey! You want to know if I hate you, I don't. I don't hate you and I don't hate Derek. I don't particularly like you, but hate is too strong a word. It's not your fault. Well, it is, but not entirely. I don't hate you."

Addison's hands had moved from being crossed over her chest, to being thrown up in the air in some sort of acceptance, to finally at her sides where they rested for a few minutes until she turned to lean against the supply rack next to her, all her weight resting on her arms as they stretched out in front of her.

"I don't hate either of you." If Meredith looked closely she could see the slight tremors that shook Addison's body. They were very slight, but they were there. Meredith looked up at her face which was now buried in one hand.

"Then why?"

Meredith's voice echoed around the small room. Addison's shoulders shook as the tremors grew and quiet sobs filled the closet. She crouched down so she was on her knees and placed her hand against the rack again so both arms were supporting her. Meredith squatted next to her.

"If you don't hate him, although I don't see how you couldn't, but if you don't then why are you doing this? I know you still love him. You love Derek, Addison, not Mark. So why?"

Addison's sobs had calmed a bit, and she looked at Meredith while she said

"Because you do too, and he loves you." Her gaze returned to the floor. Meredith kept looking at her.

"But …Mark? Him, of all people!! I can't believe you would go to him after what you did in New York."

Addison shot her a glare.

"What happened in New York is none of your business. I made a mistake and I paid for it. Mark was there, he's always there. He cares about me."

No sound penetrated the silence that had fallen between the two. Suddenly a quiet chuckle escaped Meredith and as Addison, no longer crying, looked at her bewildered, Meredith's chuckle turned into a full blown hysterical laugh.

"I'm glad you find this funny." Addison started to get up off the floor "I'm leaving."

Meredith calmed down enough to grab Addison's arm and pull her back down.

"No, don't go. I'm sorry I laughed. It's just, you're…" She was cut off by another small chortle. "You're so dense."

Addison looked at her like she was crazy.

"Thank you Meredith. That's exactly what I need to hear."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…the both of you…Derek cares about you too."

"He used to."

Meredith shook her head. "You know Derek said almost the same thing you did, when Burke asked him why he didn't stop you from going to Sloan."

Addison didn't say anything. Meredith continued.

"He said he didn't stop you because Mark cares about you and you love each other."

"It's true Meredith." Addison let out a small laugh "but now Derek cares about you and I'm with Mark. That's it."

"Addison…"

"No, that's it. It's over between us. Derek moved on and I'll move on." She sighed. "We'll both just keep going."

"But he cares!"

Addison sighed. "You don't know what you're talking about Grey."

Meredith was about to say something when a beeping filled the room. Addison's pager had gone off.

She got up and left the closet without saying a word to Meredith until she turned the handle and stepped out into the hallway. She turned around and whispered quietly.

"I don't hate you and I don't hate Derek."

Meredith was left alone in the storage closet mulling over her thoughts. She sighed deeply. "I don't know what's going on with you and Mark, Addison, but you'll never move on, you or Derek."

She thought of the fact that she never got to mention that she and Derek weren't together anymore.

.

That had been a few months ago. She and Derek had broken it off two days before the closet scene and Addison didn't find out till a month later. She had heard from Mark when he had come home after a surgery. Addison had been waiting in the kitchen when he walked in.

She looked up from her magazine as he addressed her.

"Did you hear the news?" she removed her glasses slowly

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's not exactly novel news, but you can't complain about it—gossip is gossip."

Addison was getting agitated. She hated that he never got straight to the point. He always had to beat around the bush. "Just spit it out Mark. What's the news?"

"About Grey and that asshole."

"I told you not to call him that. I was the one to ask for a divorce not him."

"Yeah, but he slept with Meredith. He cheated on you with an intern."

"And I cheated on him with his best friend, which was you. He's not an asshole Mark."

"Addi…" she glared at him over the top of the magazine. "Fine, but he's not being called McDreamy by me anytime soon."

Mark usually had a smug tone when he talked about Derek, now he sounded smug and slightly elated.

"Mark, just tell me what you're talking about. I'm not interested in playing guessing games right now." She placed the glasses over her eyes again and looked back down at the magazine.

"Meredith broke up with him. They're over." The smugness dominated in his voice.

Addison's head shot up.

"Meredith broke up with Derek? Why? She loves him, why would she do that?" It came out in a rush. Mark was staring at her. Addison stopped babbling and let out a small laugh.

"Never mind. I don't really care." Mark smiled at her before heading into the bedroom.

Later that night, Addison lay wide awake with Mark next to her in the bed, her head full of thoughts about what she had heard earlier.

What if Meredith had told Derek what she had said? What if Meredith had broken up with him because of her?

As much as she loved Derek, Addison wouldn't be able to live with that.

Thoughts about the two of them kept running through Addison's head. She was so preoccupied that she didn't notice Mark waking up.

"Addison? What are you doing up still?"

"I couldn't sleep." She didn't want to tell him that she had been thinking about Derek.

Mark put an arm around Addison's waist as she snuggled next to him, his body wrapped around her. He rubbed gentle circles up and down her arm as she sighed deeply.

"Should I get you anything? Maybe a cup of hot chocolate." She smiled at Mark as he gently kissed the top of her head.

He really did care about her.

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I think I'll be able to sleep now." She meant it.

"Alright Addi." Mark gave her arm a small squeeze. "I'm here if you need me."

Mark knew she was thinking about Derek. He always knew when she was thinking about him, she would get a certain look on her face that he learned to recognize long ago.

Addison had that look on now.

He had once sworn that he would, on no account, let Derek bother her, and if he had anything to say about it, Derek never would.

Mark kissed the top of her head again as they both drifted off, the smell of Addison's hair surrounding his senses.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Saving Grace**

**Chapter three**

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True to his word, Mark hadn't let Derek within an inch of her. Addison didn't know, but Mark had cornered Derek on a few occasions and threatened him to stay away.

Derek didn't listen or believe the crap that Mark threw at him, but he assumed after the few times he tried talking to Addison and all he received were tense glances and avoidances, that she had asked Mark to talk to him. That she wanted Derek to stay away, no room left for arguments.

So, Derek Shepherd stayed as far away from Addison Montgomery as he possibly could.

Tensions at Seattle Grace ran high as the two avoided each other. Except it wasn't just Derek and Addison avoiding each other—Derek avoided Addison; Addison tried to avoid Meredith who tried avoiding Derek, while he tried to stay away from Mark who was watching his every move. And of course, the rest of the staff tried avoiding them all.

Working conditions were horrible. Every consult created an awkward situation that usually ended with the intern on the case being the go-between as usual, just this time; both the attendings needed were in the same room.

The avoidances turned into a constant clash. Glares were exchanged along with mumbles under breaths about how ridiculous the other was being. In one week things had gone from being docile to full blown animosity.

Eventually Addison broke. She couldn't take it. She didn't want to be one of those divorced couples that couldn't carry a civil conversation. Whatever her feelings for Derek were, she couldn't handle the atmosphere that surrounded her whenever she stepped into the hospital.

Mark was perfectly fine with it all. Derek wasn't talking to Addison and vice versa, leaving him to be the one to take care of her. She might come home at the end of the day pissed as hell, but it didn't matter to Mark as long as her anger wasn't directed at him.

But Addison hated it.

Mark was wonderful, he really was, but Addison wasn't in love with him.

There really is a difference between being in love and love. She wasn't in love with Mark, she never had been. Mark knew that.

Her heart was stuck on one person and one person only.

Mark knew that, Addison knew that, even Meredith Grey knew that.

Addison loved Derek and it tore her up inside. She couldn't live like this, pining over a lost love. She had decided to move on and she was really trying. She couldn't move on though, especially if Meredith breaking up with Derek was because of her.

So, Addison returned a favor.

.

Meredith was in the middle of her rounds when she found herself shoved into an empty supply closet.

"Dr. Shepherd. Wh--" Meredith was cut off as Addison locked the door and turned to face her asking "Why?"

Addison's tone was demanding.

"Why what?" Meredith was confused.

Addison started pacing across the small room causing Meredith to become increasingly uncomfortable. The pacing didn't suit her. Addison stopped while Meredith looked at her uncomprehendingly.

"You and Derek. Derek and—you ended it. Why?"

Oh…

"Why Meredith? Why did you end it? If it was because of what I told you, please… I can't have that."

One hand was holding tightly onto her waist while the other ran through her hair. Meredith reached out and placed her hand on Addison's arm. She looked at Meredith perplexed.

"It wasn't because of what you told me. I broke it off before I ever spoke to you."

Addison almost sagged in relief; Meredith's arm keeping her grounded for the moment.

Meredith watched as Addison composed herself.

"You promise me you didn't end it because of me?"

"I promise Dr. Shepherd. What you said didn't make any difference. It's not because of you, not because of what you told me." Meredith paused.

"It's because of what he said."

This time it was Meredith's pager that went off.

"I promise Addison"

Addison gave her a small smile as Meredith left the closet.

.

"Hey, where have you been?"

Mark snuck up behind Addison, placing his hands on her waist and kissing her neck, under her ear.

Addison was busy checking the chart of one of her patients as she leaned back against him.

"Hey Mark, how's your day going?"

"Better now that I've seen you. You left early this morning."

"Sorry sweetie, I um, I had to get to work early, I needed to catch up on a few things." Not true. Addison had wanted to catch Meredith before the day had gotten too hectic.

"I missed you, Addi."

"I missed you too." Addison put the chart down on the counter. Mark leaned in to kiss her, Addison turned around and wrapping her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

As her eyes opened, Addison caught a glimpse of Derek staring at the two of them. More like staring at her, but unlike the rest of the week, it wasn't with a look of loathing.

He was staring at her with his "McDreamy" eyes, the ones that used to be able to melt her. And at that moment, they made her weak in the knees, being held up only by Mark.

Mark!! She was in the middle of kissing Mark and she was busy thinking about her ex-husband.

Mark had noticed Addison's lack of focus and brought himself to pull back and look at her face. His gaze followed hers and he saw Derek Shepherd standing there.

When Derek noticed Mark looking, he looked away quickly. Mark looked back at Addison, who was now looking at him.

Looking at him but undeniably not thinking about him. He could tell that much and it hurt. It hurt a lot.

He loved Addison.

When things had gone bad between Derek and her, Mark was there. When Derek left her and went to Seattle, he had been the one to pick up the pieces. When the whole Meredith thing happened, it was Mark who had come to her. When the divorce was finalized, he was there.

Mark was always there and she wasn't.

That was when things between the two of them started to go downhill.

.

Mark stopped popping up everywhere. He decided that maybe if he gave Addison a little space she would start missing his company, start needing him again.

He thought that would help and it did, for at least a little while.

Addison would come home after a long day of work, usually exhausted. If Mark was home already she would come up to him and wrap her arms around him, hugging him in her cute little Addison way that Mark loved so much.

They would get something to eat, most time from the Thai place a couple of blocks away. Afterwards, they would camp out on the couch for a couple of hours talking about their day, their lives, anything, and almost always they would end up in the bedroom.

Mark loved that part. If any flaws existed in Addison Montgomery, they definitely weren't in her sex life.

If Mark wasn't home yet, Addison would usually watch TV for a bit, go over paperwork, order food…anything to keep her occupied until he showed up.

Their system worked for a while. After a couple of weeks Addison became sidetracked. Mark had his suspicions about what was on her mind and it didn't please him.

He would ask her how things were going at work with patients, colleagues, etc. Addison just brushed him off, saying everything was good, maybe talk a bit about a case or two she was working on, all the while never looking up from what she was doing and then she'd change the subject.

He knew Addison saw a lot of Derek around the hospital. Everyone knew that the two were avoiding each other, but that wasn't enough for Mark. He would see the two of them in the halls, apparently oblivious to the other.

Oblivious his ass.

On more than one occasion Mark caught Derek staring at Addison's gorgeous red hair regretfully and as soon as she would turn around Derek's gaze dropped back onto his charts and he'd jot something down.

And Mark saw Addison do the same thing.

Addison, looking like a lost puppy waiting for someone to come take her home.

Addison never looked that way at anyone. Not the Addison he knew. Not his Addi.

_His Addi._

And something needed to be done about it.

.

The next day was Addison's day off. No work to catch up on, no incoming cases, nothing to preoccupy her. A completely free day.

Mark was planning on cutting his day short so that he and Addison could spend the afternoon together. There was just one more thing he had to do at Seattle Grace before he left.

Mark left the apartment early that morning, leaving Addison asleep in bed. She looked stunning while she slept. Her delicate features all relaxed, with her astonishingly perfect hair spread out over the pillow.

He almost didn't leave, but he had to.

Mark needed to talk to Derek about leaving Addison alone. He knew it was a selfish request, but when it came to Addison, he didn't care.

He watched her for a few more minutes before getting up reluctantly, kissing her tenderly on the forehead and leaving for the hospital. He had a big day ahead of him.

.

Derek had just finished performing a craniotomy when Mark caught up with him. He tried ducking into an empty on-call room to hide, but Mark followed him in, locking the door.

Derek was relaxing on the bottom bunk. "What do you want Mark?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You know what I want Derek."

"If you're talking about Addison, you already have her."

Mark sighed deeply. "I do, but you're not helping it stay that way."

Derek looked at him curiously, almost hopefully.

Mark knew Derek wanted to hear him say something about how Addison missed him, or needed him, or anything. Derek needed to know how she was doing.

Mark took a minute to arrange his thoughts before he spoke.

"Derek, Addison's not doing well."

Derek tensed, waiting for him to say more. "What do you mean? She looks like she's doing fine."

Mark snorted "Like you would know."

"Of course I would! She's my wife."

"Ex-wife!" Mark's temper flared.

Silence fell between the two. Quietly, Derek repeated "Ex-wife."

Mark continued. "I know she looks fine, but you know Addison, she always looks fine."

'More than fine.' Derek added to himself. He ran a hand through his hair slowly.

Mark tried forcing himself to look troubled and concerned—to look like Derek did at the moment, sitting up with his forearms resting on his legs, his face a mixture of worry and apprehension.

Mark was really going to enjoy this…

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	4. Chapter 4

**Saving Grace**

**Chapter four**

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"What's wrong? What's bothering her Mark?"

Derek sounded like an impatient dog waiting to be fed.

"You Derek. You're what's bothering her."

"What are you talking about? I don't even talk to her…"

"You don't need to talk to her Derek. She just sees you and gets nervous. She's scared."

Derek looked at Mark confused. "Scared? Of what?" Mark gave him a pointed look.

Derek was bewildered. Addison was never afraid, and hardly ever nervous. Especially not around him, not since…

No. he refused to think about that. Addison had forgiven him completely. He looked at Mark inquiringly, hoping that it wouldn't be what she was afraid of, not again.

Mark answered him exasperatedly.

"She's anxious Derek. She's worried that you'll somehow manage to ruin the good life she has now. With me."

"Mark, we're divorced. Addison and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. Why would she think I'd bother her?"

Mark sighed and sat down on the bed opposite Derek who leaned forward inquisitively.

"Derek, Addi's having flashbacks. She keeps remembering, over and over again. She can't stop remembering." He paused. "Every time she sees you."

Derek's heart fell in his chest. He couldn't believe it.

"But, she forgave me, I said I was sorry, and she forgave me… Addi forgave me." His voice was no louder than a whisper. "She said she was over it, and I promised it would never happen again. I promised her. She knows that."

"It doesn't matter Derek. She's terrified and it's because of you."

"You're lying Mark." Derek stood up, angry. Addison and he had worked this out.

Mark stood up in front of him stopping him from leaving the room.

"Really Derek? You really think I'd lie about this?" Derek looked at him skeptically.

"I came home one day. She was crying her eyes out on the sofa, saying 'Derek' and 'please don't' over and over. I had to shake her to get her out of it. Remember the last time Addison was like that? Do you?" Mark's voice had raised an octave as he demanded from Derek to remember.

Derek slowly nodded. It had been well over four years ago. He had come home to find her in the same rocking position she had been the night Mark found her. Rocking and pleading with a phantom Derek.

It had taken her forty-five minutes to calm down after he had shaken her out of it. That had been the last time and Addison had forgiven him at last. It took her two years, but she had.

Mark was talking again.

"I shook her out of it and she started hitting me. She thought I was you. You know what she said?"

Derek didn't want to know. He reached for the door to leave the room. Mark placed his hand on the door, effectively closing it again, preventing Derek from escaping.

"She hates you. You hurt her badly Derek." Mark opened the door.

"I didn't want to hurt you by telling you that. I just want to warn you to stay away from her. Stay away from Addison." He turned and left the room.

.

Derek stayed in the on-call room for the next hour. He laid down on the bed thinking back to that night.

Addison had just gotten back from a conference two days ago, and she had been acting a little different. He didn't know what was going on, but Derek didn't care.

Whatever Addison decided to throw at him, he'd shoot it right back. He drowned himself in work and behaved indifferently towards her for a good part of that week. She seemed fine with it.

That just pissed him off even more. Then Saturday night happened.

Derek's thoughts were cut off as the door to the on-call room clicked as it opened, allowing Meredith to slip in.

He didn't say anything to show he acknowledged her standing there.

"You ok?" Meredith leaned against the top bunk as she looked down at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Fine"

She looked at him, and he finally looked back at her, letting out a sigh.

"Addison hates me."

"No she doesn't" Meredith sat down on the edge of the bunk.

"Yes she does." Derek sat up, placing himself next to her.

"She really doesn't Derek." He almost jumped off the bed in frustration.

"You don't understand." He started pacing, his hand on his waist, the other running through his hair.

"Understand what?"

Derek stopped moving and sat down next to her again.

"I hurt her Meredith. I really hurt her and I'm not talking about when I was with you."

Meredith just looked at him urging him to go on. He continued slowly as he told her the whole story.

.

_It was Saturday night. Derek had had enough of the indifference running between him and Addison and he had gone to a bar a couple of blocks away from their apartment._

_He had a lot to drink. Too much._

_He returned home to find the lights on in the kitchen and living room._ _He had expected Addi to be asleep._

_She was sitting in the living room reading a medical journal she had brought home from work the day before._

_"Hi honey." She said as he slammed the front door closed. Derek sauntered towards her in a drunken swagger. She put the magazine down and stood up from the couch, coming over to him. She placed her hands on her hip as she looked him up and down._

_"You're drunk."_

_It wasn't a question._

_Addison gave him a disapproving glare as she went past him to the kitchen. Mark was sitting at the table eating something that looked like scrambled eggs._

_Derek wanted eggs. As drunk as he was, he knew he wanted those eggs. And Mark was eating them._

"_What are you doing here?" His voice was low. _

"_I asked him to come over." Addison said as she handed Derek a glass of water and an aspirin. Derek grabbed the cup from her, splashing water over the sides as he did so. _

"_I want eggs."_

_Addison rolled her eyes. Tonight was not going to be fun. Derek was never good company when he consumed a large amount of alcohol, which he had undoubtedly done tonight._

_She looked at Mark apologetically and said softly, yet sternly "You should go." She grabbed the plate with the eggs and shoved them at Derek. "Here."_

_He started gobbling them down like he hadn't eaten in days. Addison looked at him disgustedly._

_Mark glanced at her._ _"You sure you want me to leave?" he asked._

_Addison looked at him, quietly pleading with her eyes._

_"Please Mark, it'll be better if you do. I'm just going to go to bed and let Derek sort himself out." Addison sighed. Mark touched her arm, giving it a tiny squeeze._

_Derek snorted and Addison tried to pull her arm away, but Mark held on._

_"Call me if you need anything Addi. I'm serious." Addison smiled at him. "And that's an order. You need anything, I better be hearing from you."_

_Derek followed them unsteadily to the door. He watched Mark give Addison's arm another little squeeze and a quick kiss on the cheek before he turned around and left._

_That was when Derek grabbed her._

_At first he grabbed her around the waist, kissing her passionately. Drunken passion. He started undoing the buttons of her shirt while she protested against him._

_"Not now Derek. Please. You're drunk. Let me go to bed and we can do this when you're sober."_

_She sounded tired, but Derek didn't want to hear it, so he continued._

_Until Addison slapped him. Hard._

_The stinging brought tears to his eyes. Tears and rage. Addison saw it and that was when she first felt scared. He grabbed her by the arm and wrapped his hand in her hair, kissing her again, his lips crushing hers. _

_She tried pulling away, but he had too strong a grip on her. He tugged sharply on her hair and Addison let out a small gasp. She tried slapping him again but Derek took hold of her wrist, effectively stopping her. His lips on hers were so hard she could feel her skin bruising. He grabbed the back of her neck, hand moving lower until it reached her waist and tugged her shirt out of her skirt and ripped it open. _

_She was starting to get nervous. "Derek, stop."_

_His eyes flashed intensely. He had a death grip on her arm right above her elbow, the same place Mark had held onto no more than five or six minutes ago. _

_Derek slammed her up against the wall as he began caressing her. She could feel the bulge in his pants as he pressed up against her and she let out another small moan. His hand moved lower down, raising her skirt and pushing her panties aside. _

"_Derek…" he stopped abruptly and took a step back. _

"_What? Am I not good enough for you? I know I'm not Mark, but you'd think your husband would be enough!" His eyes were crazed and unfocused as he pulled her towards him roughly. He was kissing her again and fondling her roughly, pulling her towards the kitchen counter. _

_He turned her around, so that he was behind her, hands all over her breasts. The counter top was cutting into her hips, adding to her discomfort. Addison was so dazed at this point that when Derek started whispering breathlessly into her ear about how she didn't love him anymore, how she loved Mark, it all passed right over her. _

_As he shoved her so that she was leaning facedown on the counter, he grabbed her hands, splaying them on the marble. Derek was kissing her neck, licking her ear and Addison began to feel herself panicking. Derek's hot breath was against her skin. She started crying._

"_Please Derek, please just stop it!" _

_She felt him thrusting into her and she jerked, her hand hitting the glass of water that was on the counter, sending it smashing on the floor. The sound of the glass shattering seemed to anger Derek and he flipped her over again. _

"_Look what you did!" he shoved her. _

_Being as unsteady as she was at that moment, Addison fell. She didn't realize she was on the floor until she felt the glass cut into her arm. _

_She whimpered slightly._

_"Derek…"_

_Her voice was small and weak. But Derek heard it._

_He dropped to the floor next to her. "Addi…" _

_She was bleeding from a cut that ran from a few inches below her wrist close to her elbow. He looked at the piece of glass that had cut her, seeing the blood shining on the surface. He looked down at Addison who just crouched there silently, clutching her arm to her chest, tears silently streaming down her face._

_Her beautiful, delicate face, framed by her now disheveled hair which was plastered to her face by sheen of sweat._

_Then he saw her eyes._

_"Oh god, Addi…" he mumbled something else before passing out on the floor._

_Addison let out a gut-wrenching sob and pulled her legs up towards her._

_Her arm wasn't bleeding enough to be dangerous, but it was enough that it leaked through her clothing, leaving a crimson stain on her once white shirt._

_Addison cried for a little longer before she leaned for the phone._

_Mark. She needed to call Mark. He could help her. He always did._

_._

_Fifteen minutes had passed since Mark had left the Shepherds brownstone. He had seen Derek drunk before, too many times, but Derek had never hurt Addison. Not physically anyway, and she always came out fine._

_Which was why when his cell phone rang and the caller id read 'Addi & Derek' he wasn't worried._

_Not until he heard her._

_"Addi? Sweetie, what's the matter?"_

_She was sobbing hysterically into the phone._

_"Addi, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Are you alright? Did Derek do something?'_

_Addison just kept sobbing. Mark could_hear_her body shaking._

_"Hurts-it hurts." She managed to get out._

_The tires squeeled as Mark made a u-turn and started to head back in the direction he had come from. Something was terribly wrong._

_"Addison, come on, talk to me. What hurts? Where's Derek?"_

_"He's passed out on the floor."_

_"I'm coming over right now."_

_His only response was the 'click' of Addison hanging up and the dial tone that followed._

_'Shit.'_

_Mark stepped on the gas as hard as he could._

_Addison needed him._

_._

_._

_._


	5. Chapter 5

Saving Grace

**Chapter five**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Mark was running up the steps to the apartment no more than ten minutes later. He quickly dug his key out of his pocket, shoving it into the door._

_As soon as he managed to unlock it, he swung the door open, calling for Addison as he slammed it shut behind him._

_"Addison! Addi, where are you?"_

_The light in the kitchen was still on so he went in that direction as fast as he could._

_Addison hadn't moved from her position propped up against the cabinets. Her arm had stopped bleeding, but she had lost enough that she was noticeably woozy._

_She had been drifting in and out of it since the phone call to Mark and when she heard him calling her name, she held onto the sound, dragging herself back to consciousness._

_Addison looked down at herself. Her arm was smeared with blood, along with her shirt. She didn't care that her top was ripped, and she didn't care that the blood had gotten onto her chest. She didn't have strength left to care. She felt herself slipping and wrapped her good arm around her legs, her bad arm cosseted against her front._

_Mark froze. He saw Derek on the floor first, then the glass on the floor._

_For the second time that night, he cursed._

_He ran to Derek, checking him over quickly and carefully, finding nothing wrong with him except too much alcohol. He turned on his heels seeing Addison against the cabinets under the sink._

_Her legs were pulled up tightly to her chest and she was shaking._

_"Addison. What happened?"_

_She only looked at him. He crouched in front of her, placing his hands on her knees. She flinched, he moved his hands._

_"Addison. I need you to tell me what happened."_

_Tears slowly started leaking from the corners of her eyes._

_"He tried to...he was mad…he--" she started sobbing hysterically. _

_Addison was a wreck, Mark knew that right away. Her voice sounded weak and raspy and she had a distant look on her too pale face._

_"Addison, Addi, sweetie." He gently touched her knee again. "Come, let's get you upstairs and into bed. I'll come down later to deal with Derek."_

_Addison protested meekly as he placed his hands above her elbows to help her stand up._

_She felt the world twist and turn as Mark held her upright. She grabbed onto the front of his shirt, holding on with all the strength she had remaining._

_That was when Mark saw the blood. He almost let go of her in shock._

_"Addison!"_

_He slipped one hand under her knees, the other around her back, picking her up as all her vigor left and she felt herself falling towards the floor._

_Mark rushed into the living room, placing her gently on the couch. Addison was unable to stop him as Mark pushed aside her already open shirt checking for the source of the blood._

_"Addison, where did he hurt you? Show me. That bastard! I could-" Addison cut him off by placing her hand on his chest and bringing up her injured arm and showing him._

_"Oh Addi…" he gently examined the cut._

_"It's not that bad." Her voice was no more than a whisper._

_Mark ran a hand through her sweat soaked hair and gave her a kiss on the forehead._

_"God Addison. I'm going to kill him."_

_"Mark, please." The pleading in her voice was killing him. He kissed the back of her palm._

_"I just need to bandage it and get some sleep. I'll deal with it all in the morning."_

_Mark looked at her pointedly. He tried convincing her to let him take her to the hospital, but she was too stubborn._

_Addison let out a moan and covered her face with her uninjured hand. "Please Mark…"_

_He nodded and gently helped her sit up. When he saw that there was no way she'd make it to the bedroom, he picked her up again and carried her upstairs._

_Once in the room, Mark helped her change into pajamas and wiped the blood off her chest and arm._

_After bandaging the cut, Mark tucked Addison into bed, rubbing gentle circles on her back and running his other hand through her hair as she fell asleep crying silently._

_._

_That night Mark stayed over, watching her. At around three, he went downstairs to see Derek who had woken up since and was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Mark reached a hand down to help him up, all the while Derek calling himself a 'heartless bastard'—Mark couldn't agree more._

_Derek didn't really remember much after that. Once he had gotten stable on his feet, Mark had punched him square in the face and he had been out cold for the next half hour._

_When he had come to, all he remembered was wanting to see Addison and Mark not letting him until Derek basically cried his heart out for what he had done._

_The next year or two after that was hell._

_Addison had gone into therapy at the insistence of Mark who had essentially moved in with them._

_Only five people knew what had happened that night. Derek, Mark, and Addison, plus the therapist and the doctor whom they had to call over after the first…'episode'._

_._

_Derek had come home to find Addison in the kitchen on the floor exactly like Mark had a few months earlier. She was quivering and crying, rocking herself, pleading in a quiet pain-filled voice. Derek hadn't been able to stop her, so he called Mark who in turn called a friend of theirs from medical school to go over to the house._

_When Addison had come out of the stupor it hadn't been pretty or pleasant. The doctor had to sedate her and once again Derek wasn't allowed in to see her._

_Mark watched over Addison once more, the second of many times._

_The last incident had been almost five years ago, and Addison had forgiven Derek after that. Completely forgiven him. It was a forgotten memory to them. The scar left over was hardly even noticeable, leaving only a tiny reminder._

_After that time, the entire occurrence was never mentioned again._

Until now.

"She hates me."

Meredith didn't know what to think.

Derek had physically hurt Addison, had raped her. He should have gone to jail, yet Addison hadn't pressed charges against him.

On the one hand, Meredith was utterly disgusted with Derek. Whether or not he had been drunk, there was no way he could not have realized what he had been doing.

But on the other hand, Addison had found it in her heart to forgive him. Meredith couldn't fathom how, but she had, and now Addison supposedly went back on her word of forgiveness and held it against him.

_'I really have to stay out of their problems…'_

She had nothing to say to Derek so she just gave his hand a quick squeeze and they both got up, leaving the room in silence.

.

.

Mark returned home that day annoyingly arrogant, or so Addison thought. He came home, quickly changed and informed her they were going out for the day.

She smiled her gorgeous little smile and asked where they were going.

"It's a surprise, but you'll love it." He kissed her roughly and passionately. She leaned into him as his tongue sought hers and his hands entangled themselves in her hair. She sighed contentedly.

"Come, we're going to be late."

Addison pouted as he pulled away.

That day had been one of the best in their relationship. Mark had taken her ice-skating in the park, on an amazing sunset ferry ride, which was followed by a romantic dinner.

.

It seemed that Mark's plan had worked and Derek Shepherd now stayed as far away as possible from the love of his life.

Mark truly deeply loved Addison, and she loved him.

Things were starting to look up for Mark Sloan.

.

It was a few days later when Meredith and Addison found themselves locked in a supply closet, again.

"This is getting old. I only did it once." Meredith commented.

"Alright Grey, spill."

"Excuse me?"

"What's going on with my ex-husband?"

Meredith gave her a look of disgust. "Why do you care?"

Addison started. "What do you mean, what do I care?"

"You hate him, remember?"

Meredith left, leaving Addison standing bewildered and alone in the supply closet.

.

Mark and Addison's relationship went completely downhill from there. Not slowly either, it just dropped. Addison didn't even seem to notice, she was too preoccupied.

_'With Derek.'_ Mark thought. She hadn't seen Derek in weeks, literally _seen_ him, yet he still managed to be on her mind.

Mark couldn't take it anymore.

Addison was supposed to love him. Him-Mark Sloan, not Derek Shepherd, the man who ruined her life. It wasn't playing out right, everything was going wrong.

Addison couldn't know what Mark had said to Derek, no one knew. No one except of course Meredith Grey. Naturally Derek would've told her, Mark just hadn't thought of it.

Now he was just hoping she wouldn't tell Addi.

Dear, sweet, smart, sexy, attractive perfect Addi.

No, not his anymore. Not after tonight. Tonight, it ended. Mark needed it to.

.

When Addison walked out of the hospital that day, she had no idea what to expect. Her life had been a whirlwind of confusion up until that point. Derek had taken a leave of absence for a week or so and she didn't know why.

Meredith Grey snapped at her when she tried finding out, and Dr. Torres continually glanced at her with pity. It annoyed Addison to no end, especially since she had no idea why.

The forty minute drive home went unusually slow. As Addison pulled into the driveway, she thought about what she was coming home to. Mark Sloan. Her "McSteamy". Her lips twitched at the thought. She might not love him as she had loved Derek, but he was definitely a part of her.

She could make it work between them. She had to, she needed him.

Addison unlocked the front door and stopped, staring at the suitcases piled in the foyer.

"What…" She didn't understand. What was going on? She recognized the luggage, it was Mark's, but where was he going?

Addison moved into the living room where Mark was waiting for her by the sofa. He was wearing his jacket.

"Going somewhere?" she joked lightly, confused as hell. No thoughts were running through her head, just images.

Past images of Derek. Derek leaving her; Derek yelling at her…and Mark. Mark always being there.

Those images kept running through her head.

Mark lowered his head as he walked passed her into the foyer.

"Mark, baby, what's going on?" her tone betrayed a hint of hysteria that Mark easily caught on to.

He reached over and pulled her into his arms. He could feel Addison shaking. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he released her from his grip. Her eyes started to tear.

"What do you mean you're sorry? For what?"

Mark looked at her one last time.

He looked at his Addison.

Gorgeous, intelligent, sexy, attractive Addi.

Derek's Addi.

He turned away and headed towards the door.

"Addi, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry but I can't. It's over now."

He left. Mark left her alone. Addison was alone.

.

.

.


	6. Chapter 6

Saving Grace

**Chapter six**

**.**

**.**

**.**

She didn't remember leaving the house, getting into her car or driving anywhere. All Addison remembered when morning came was that she had ended up at Meredith Grey's house. Twice. And she remembered leaving. That was about it.P

Oh, and drinking a bit. Maybe more than a bit… Ok, a hell of a lot more than a bit.

Addison woke up to the buzz of a cell phone. Hers apparently. It took her a couple of seconds to register that fact and that the consistent noise it was making didn't help with the hangover whatsoever.

"Ugh…"

She groaned as she reached over to pick it up from her night table and without looking at who it was, Addison rejected the call and turned the phone off. She groaned again as she rolled over and promptly fell off the bed. She had obviously not made it very far into her room last night. Addison lay there for a couple of minutes thinking about the previous evening.

After leaving Grey's house she had ended up at Joe's most probably, considering the hangover. How she had gotten home she didn't know or care.

After lying on the floor a bit longer Addison started to get up, her gaze landing on the clock in the process.

"Damn!"

It was eight thirty. She was supposed to be at work at six. With all the "excitement" from yesterday, she had completely forgotten to set the alarm. She jumped up from the floor, wincing at what the sudden movement had done for her aching head.

Addison picked up an outfit she found on the floor of the closet (Mark hadn't allowed her to build one big enough for all her designer clothing so she had taken over both small closets and the floors of both. Mark had made due with the dresser). Checking that her choice was clean, she quickly threw it on.

It was a dark green pantsuit that made her red hair stand out, along with her eyes. A simple gold chain hung around her slender neck. Checking to make sure she looked presentable, Addison ran down to the kitchen as quick as her hung-over body would allow, to make herself a huge cup of coffee and to grab a few Excedrin. As she was leaving the house, Addison noticed the answering machine blinking. She'd check it later when she got home. Right now, she had to get to work.

An hour later found everyone in the hospital staring as Addison Montgomery ran from the front doors up the stairs to the maternity ward. The elevator was apparently too slow. If anyone was close enough they could hear her dealing out profanities at being late.

A few interns snickered as she passed them, throwing open the door to the locker room and crashing straight into whoever was coming out. Her charts fell to the floor and the coffee she hadn't had time to drink on the way over, spilled. Addison cursed and waved a hand over her chest to cool off the burning coffee that had landed on her. She bent down to start gathering up her papers. She didn't even look at who she crashed into as she stated a quick apology.

The person quickly bent down to her level to help with the charts.

"Good morning to you too." It was Alex Karev.

Addison finished picking up her work with his help and quickly side-stepped him to get into the locker room to change out of her coffee-covered clothes; all the while murmuring to herself. Karev chuckled as he headed to the elevators, passing the Chief on his way.

"Karev."

"Yeah Chief?"

"Good work this morning with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's patient."

"Thanks sir. I figure the harder I work the sooner she'll let me off her service."

"Dr. Shepherd's still got you with her?"

Alex shrugged. "Not much longer I hope, as much as I like working with her, I'd rather get back to real surgeries." The gynie-squad sucked.

The Chief sighed. "Have you seen Dr. Shepherd yet today? Has anyone?"

"You're in luck sir. She just went in there." Alex pointed to the locker room. "But I'd stay clear if I were you."

"Why?" Richard looked at him inquisitively. Alex was about to answer when the door to the locker room slammed open.

"That's why." Alex left.

Addison rushed out after changing into a pair of scrubs. She would deal with the coffee stain later. Right now she had patients to check on and, knowing that she was bound to be tattled on for being late, a meeting with the chief.

"Addison." Speak of the devil…

"Not now Richard. I have to work." She headed down the hallway.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery. You stop where you are right now." Richard advanced towards her. "You show up almost four hours late to work, you haven't been answering your phones, Derek has been gone for two weeks and Mark Sloan resigned yesterday, saying he decided to move back to New York."

At least now Addison knew where Mark went. Richard was about to continue but Addison put her hand up, stopping him. "Seriously Richard, not now. I'll talk with you later." And she stalked off, leaving the chief staring after her.

He shook his head and headed back to his office.

.

.

What was left of Addison's morning went successfully well, causing her mood to lighten up at least a tiny bit.

Most of the staff was steering clear of her. Karev obviously warned everyone to stay away and Addison was still deciding if that was good or not.

She definitely didn't want people bothering her at the moment, but the lack of company just gave her too much time to think about yesterday and that, she didn't want. If she pushed what had happened out of her head, maybe she could forget about it all together. Maybe she could pretend that it never happened, that she had never been stupid enough to be in a relationship with Mark Sloan.

The day continued and Addison's mood had changed completely for the better by the time her shift was over. She passed Richard's office on her way out and his voice pulled her back.

"Addison."

She stopped where she was and let out a 'whoosh' of air. She had managed to avoid the chief during the day, completely ignoring her promise to talk. Apparently, he hadn't forgotten. She backtracked and stuck her head through the doorway. Her hair fell across one shoulder and she brushed it to the other side with a flick of her hand.

"Addison, come in and sit down." She came in, but didn't sit. Richard got up and closed the door. Addison sighed as eh came to stand in front of her, his hands gripping her arm. No way was she going to be let off the hook this time. Richard looked at her concerned. "What happened Addi?"

Her eyes prickled but she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't cry and Richard knew that.

"He left, didn't he? He left you."

It wasn't a question. Richard already knew. Addison nodded just for the sake of validation. A tear slid down and she hastily wiped it off her cheek.

"I'm sorry. You know I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all." He squeezed her hand lightly and gave her a fatherly kiss on the forehead. Addison knew he meant what he said. She let out a small smile as she turned to leave. He gave her hand another reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you." Addison left the room, closing the door slowly. She took a second, looking up and down the hallway. After making sure no one was around, Addison made a mad dash to the bathroom.

She needed a few minutes.

.

Five minutes later found Addison exiting the women's room, eyes rimmed red. She had needed that- a good hear wrenching cry. She didn't miss Mark. At least not at the moment. She knew she wasn't crying over him. What she _was_ crying about Addison didn't know and it didn't really matter.

Addison was strong. However vulnerable she had come off to Mark or even Meredith for that matter didn't mean anything. It had just been a rough few months that was it. She hardly ever really cried. Derek had been the only one she really let herself be vulnerable with and that had ended a long time ago.

It was then and there, as Addison headed across the parking lot to her car, that she promised herself that she would be strong. No more attachments to people, no more allowing people to define her like she had let Mark, no letting anyone get to her like Meredith Grey. And no more crying.

This was it. She was Addison Forbes Montgomery. Untouchable, invulnerable…unlovable. Addison got into her car and drove home.

For the next few days things around Seattle Grace went smoothly, or at least as smoothly as things could go at a hospital. Anyone looking at Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd couldn't tell in any possible way that she had been through heartbreak or anything of the sort. The reasoning behind Sloan's resignation spread like wildfire through the rumor-mill causing whispers and pointing behind her back, but Addison played it cool.

She looked amazing, like the female version of McDreamy that she was. Her attitude was peppy and friendly. Her surgeries were going amazingly well, and the patients of hers that weren't doing perfect didn't get any worse. So things at the hospital were going great. Besides for her encounters with Meredith Grey.

.

They only ran into each other a few times a day, and for the most part they usually ignored each other. There were a few times when Addison could see that Grey wanted to talk, but she just sidetracked her and kept going.

Meredith hadn't given up, but Addison avoided her at all costs. Her life was good at the moment. She was back to being smart, sexy, attractive Addison. Everyone knew it, and she liked it.

Addison was finally back to being herself. No need to screw that up.

Richard had her stop by his office countless times to talk with her about what happened these past few months, but she brushed him off saying things between her and Mark just hadn't worked out and out of consideration for their friendship, he moved back to New York. She told him that life was good.

After that, Richard usually talked with her about how well she was doing with her work. Addison knew she had improved tremendously since the whole 'McSteamy' fiasco and she was proud of herself.

As she told Richard, life was good.

.

Wednesday night Addison found herself at home alone (as had been the norm since Mark left) and fairly anxious. She didn't know why, but something was telling her that something was going to happen soon. Probably in the next few days. She was getting ready for bed when she heard someone knocking at the front door.

Addison quickly tied her robe as she headed to open the door. The silk of the robe against her skin chilled her as a breeze came from outside. She froze when she saw who was there. This had better not be the 'thing' she was waiting for.

"Seriously, Grey?"

Just what Addison needed. The one person she stayed away from each day at work, standing at her front door.

"Seriously Dr. Shepherd. We need to talk." Meredith took a step forward to come inside. Addison didn't say anything, just stepped backwards leaving room for Meredith to enter. She knew avoidance never worked when it came to her. It was Addison's "luck". Meredith came all the way in and Addison closed the door behind her before heading into the living room. She motioned for Meredith to take a seat which she promptly did.

Silence surrounded the room for a few seconds before someone spoke. It was Addison. "Well?" Meredith fiddled with her hands before looking straight at Addison.

"Do you really hate him?" Addison stared at her.

"Who?"

"Derek. Do you really hate him?"

Addison blanched. Had Meredith completely forgotten about their first conversation in the supply closet? Meredith was looking down at her hands again. "I know what he did and I would hate him too, but you forgave him, so how can you all of a sudden decide to hate him? It's not right. You forgave him; you can't go back on that."

Addison didn't know what to think. Meredith had lost her the second she opened her mouth.

"Meredith, what are you talking about, me forgiving him and going back on it? What are you talking about,what do you know?"

Once again, Meredith looked straight at her.

"Dr. Shepherd, Addison, I—" her gaze fell again.

"Dr. Grey stop it! Just explain yourself." Addison was getting frustrated and she was way passed confused. When Meredith reached over, placing her hands over Addison's, Addison thought she had gone crazy, even more so when Meredith pulled up the sleeve of her robe and traced the thin, faint scar on her forearm.

Meredith spoke up again.

"I know he hurt you."

Addison felt as if she had just been hit with a ton of bricks.

.

.

.


	7. Chapter 7

Saving Grace

**Chapter Seven**

**.**

**.**

**.**

Waves of nausea passed over Addison as she listened to Meredith explain what Derek had told her about that night; explaining in excruciating detail the memories that had plagued her for over a year after. She explained how Mark had come and told Derek to stay away from Addison. How he had told Derek that Addison was having flashbacks again.

Addison didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Without warning a loud burst of laughter escaped her mouth, startling Meredith, who in turn, looked at her in concern. Damn Mark! He had screwed around with her for the last time. She couldn't believe it. In New York or not Addison would make sure he heard from her about what a bastard he was. Addison hated him at that moment with everything she had. God, she hated him!

"Dr. Shepherd?" Addison looked at Meredith. A few tears had managed to leak out with the laughter. Addison started explaining her little outburst. "Oh Meredith, it was Mark." Meredith didn't understand her. Addison could see that.

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I haven't thought about that night since I forgave Derek. The last time I've had one of the…flashbacks, was right before then. Meredith, that was five years ago."

"But Mark said, he said it happened again."

"Who are you going to listen to Dr. Grey? Myself or that lying jerk Mark Sloan?"

She made a good point. Meredith nodded slowly, thinking it over.

"Is that why you thought I hated him? Because Mark said I did?" Addison's tone held a hint of incredibility. Meredith nodded again.

"I'm sorry Addison. I shouldn't have given you such a hard time with that. It's just, Derek told me, and he really believes that you hate him. He said he deserved it."

Addison sighed wearily as she got up from the couch, leading Grey to the door.

"Here's a bit of advice. Mark Sloan is a lying bastard. He'll do anything he can to get what he wants. Anyone who listens to him is a fool. God knows what he thought he'd get out of this. Damn him!" Addison smacked the door post in frustration. "If I'd only known…" It was quiet for a while.

"Anyways…."

"Oh yeah, ok, yeah, well goodnight." Meredith headed out the doorway and then quickly turned around to look at Addison.

"Can I ask you something?" Addison nodded. "Why did you? Forgive him, I mean. He really hurt you."

Addison looked tiredly down at the floor before looking up again and answering. "He told me he loved me. Right before he passed out. He stopped, looked at me, and realized what he did and then he said he loved me." Meredith looked at her skeptically. "I know that's not a good reason, but he said he loved me. He was drunk and didn't know what he was doing and he said he loved me. It took a while, but that was enough for me. Goodnight Meredith."

Addison closed the front door. It was true. Derek had told her he loved her. At the time, she hated him for saying it. After doing what he had just done, how could he have the nerve to say something like that? How could he possibly still say that he loved her? Addison had blocked it out of her system, and every time she remembered that night, a part of the memory was missing.

In her mind Derek had done it out of rage. There was no love in him and he had been happy with what he had done.

The last time she had a flashback, that missing part of the memory came back. She remembered him saying that he loved her. Once she had snapped out of it, coming back to reality she realized Derek was saying the same thing. He was holding her tightly against his chest, crying into her hair and quietly asking her to come out of it, that it would never happen again, that he loved her.

That was when she had forgiven him.

Their marriage from that point on had taken a turn for the better, until the whole Mark issue.

'Speaking of the devil' Addison thought vehemently. She couldn't even comprehend at that moment what the hell he had done to her and Derek.

Addison came to a decision at that moment that she was never going to think about him again. Mark Sloan was officially out of her life.

.

Addison fell into a restless sleep that night about an hour after Meredith had left her house. What Mark had done really bothered her, obviously, but she couldn't get it out of her head. And poor Derek! Oh god, how was she supposed to make things right, he wasn't even around. It made sense now why he had disappeared recently, but oh god! Addison didn't know what to do.

She had finally fallen asleep. Dreams about that night Derek had come home drunk plagued her. She woke up at some point, drenched in a cold sweat, clutching her arm. A glance at the clock told her it was four a.m. she had about three hours left until work-she had an early surgery- but Addison couldn't manage to fall back asleep. Not for lack of trying, but her efforts got her nowhere. So at a quarter passed five she got up and went down to the kitchen. She made herself a cup of coffee while she contemplated how screwed up her life was at that moment.

She moved into the living room to sit on the couch waiting for her day to officially start.

.

.

Watching Addison Montgomery come into the hospital the next day, Meredith could tell it had been a sleepless night for her. The make up, perfectly done as usual, covered up the dark shadows under Addison's eyes, but if you knew what to look for they were noticeable enough.

To everyone else, Addison looked as immaculate as ever, but Meredith knew better. Addison had been rattled by Meredith bringing up an apparently un-discussable topic. It was bound to have an impact on her. Not a big one, but one subtle enough that when Meredith watched her she could see Addison's head held a little lower, the sagged shoulders, and the weariness in her features. It was small, but the blow was there.

When Addison caught Meredith looking, Meredith gave her a small encouraging smile. Addison's lips turned up at the corners. It was the closest thing to a smile she could muster right then. Meredith understood and nodded. Addison nodded back and continued going about her business.

.

.

The day passed without incident, much like the beginning of the week, for which Addison was extremely grateful. She had a few more rounds to make with her patients before her day ended. It seemed like the morning had dragged on forever, and with the amount of sleep she had gotten last night, the fatigue Addison was feeling didn't help it go any faster.

During lunch Addison had gone outside to eat, choosing a table in the corner where she could be alone to finish her paperwork from that morning's surgery.

The next thing Addison knew was that she was being shaken by Miranda Bailey. She had fallen asleep on her charts. Addison's face turned red as she started gathering up her things. Bailey was still standing there.

"Sorry Miranda, I didn't sleep much last night." Bailey just looked at her in her 'Nazi' way.

"I spoke to Grey earlier today." Addison froze. "I'm here when you need." And Bailey walked off leaving Addison behind, flustered.

She didn't have the energy to be mad or try and understand why the hell Meredith Grey thought she had any business talking with anyone about Addison's personal business. She was too tired to care.

So, the next time Addison passed Miranda Bailey, she walked over and said a quick 'thank you' before continuing on her way.

.

Addison couldn't wait to get home and fall into bed.

It seemed as if god had other plans in store for her. As she was finished up with her last patient, getting more anxious at the prospect of going home soon, she got called into an emergency c-section. It had ended fine, as usual with Addison performing the surgery. Mother and baby were stable and healthy, but Addison had just lost two much needed hours of sleep.

As she washed up, Addison let her body relax. She always tensed up when she was in the OR. When she and Derek were still living in New York, he would meet her in an on-call room after a surgery and give her a massage- releasing the tension in her shoulders and back.

She didn't know why she had just thought of that. She must be even more tired than she had thought. Addison shrugged to herself as she entered the locker room to change out of her scrubs. In a few minutes she would be out of the hospital and on her way to a blissful nights sleep.

.

On her way out, Addison passed by Richard's office and popped in to say a quick 'goodnight' to the chief. She stopped dead where she was.

Standing there talking to Richard was Derek Shepherd. Addison felt her heart soar at seeing him. Derek was back. He had come back from wherever he had been. He was back and he was here, standing in front of her. Richard looked at her while Derek's eyes gazed elsewhere.

"Goodnight Richard, I'll see you in the morning." Derek said calmly. He exited the room silently, saying nothing to Addison, only glancing at her quickly.

Addison's heart dropped as she watched him walk away.

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.


	8. Chapter 8

Saving Grace

**Chapter eight**

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**.**

**.**

She sat in her car for a while replaying what had just happened inside. Derek hadn't even acknowledged her. It was pathetic. Here she was, a grown woman, sitting in her car sulking over the fact that her ex-husband disregarded her. Addison let out a snort, however uncharacteristic that was for her.

'Pathetic.' That's what she was. Addison drove home, her mood dampened considerably. Sleep was the last thing on her mind as she pulled up to her house.

God, she hoped tomorrow went better.

But tomorrow didn't go any better. Neither did the day after, or the next. It took about four days before Addison lost her resolve to try and get Derek to talk to her. It seemed to be that she was the only one who hadn't gotten a chance to welcome him back. It was like he had made a point in saying hello to the rest of the staff, all excluding Addison.

The words "welcome back Dr. Shepherd" seemed to haunt her as she walked the halls of Seattle Grace.

So she gave up. Addison Montgomery gave up trying to run into Derek at every chance she got; she stopped trying to catch him in the hallways or after a surgery; she gave up trying to catch his gaze whenever she thought he was looking at her. Eventually, she stopped caring. Addison was moving on. Addison gave up and things started going well for her again.

.

Inside, Addison was a complete wreck, but on the outside she was calm and collected. Nobody could suspect anything.

Except Derek.

Derek had left Seattle Grace on an extended sick leave in order to get away from Addison. After Mark had confronted him, Derek decided that he would disappear for a little while to give Addison some space. He had no idea if it made a difference or not, but once he heard the Mark was back in New York and had left Addison in Seattle, Derek decided it was time to come home. He forgot that he had stayed away so he wouldn't bother or cause her any problems, but when he saw Addison that day he got back, Derek remembered. He had left as quickly as possible, not realizing that his leaving had hurt Addison more than staying would have.

Derek avoided Addison for the next few days, pretending he didn't notice her efforts to run into him at every possible chance. After a while he noticed her distancing herself from him. He had assumed it was because of the flashbacks, but something was telling him otherwise. Derek felt Addison separating herself from what was going on around her, but it was more than just a physical distancing. It seemed like her mind was elsewhere too. Almost as if she had stopped existing on the same plane as everyone else in the hospital.

It wasn't how Addison buried herself in her work that tipped him off. Derek had seen Addison do that countless times. It was something else that she had only done on occasion- mainly once their marriage had started deteriorating.

She was playing with her hands, twisting the rings on her finger. That was what had alerted Derek to Addison's "inner distress", the twirling.

Addison had never really been a fidgety person. Derek had only seen her play with her rings when things got really bad with her. It was then that he noticed the rings she was playing with. Their wedding rings. Addison hadn't taken them off. Derek hadn't noticed that after the divorce, he had been too preoccupied.

Seeing the rings on her finger gave him a warm feeling inside. Maybe she didn't hate him after all. Derek felt himself becoming hopeful, he needed to know. But he couldn't talk to Addi. Not yet. If she did still hate him then he would end up ruining any chance he had with her first.

Derek knew who he had to talk to.

.

He met Meredith in the elevator later that day. Derek smiled at her as the doors closed behind him. She returned it. No one else was there with them.

"Had a good vacation Dr. Shepherd?"

"Excellent Dr. Grey. If you're ever in need of a large amount of relaxation, try flying down to Miami Beach. The ocean is great for soothing nerves." Derek smiled again.

Meredith cocked an eyebrow at him. He was using his McDreamy voice-he wanted something from her.

Derek leaned against the back railing of the elevator. Meredith turned around to face him.

"You talk to Addison, don't you?" he asked innocently, his eyes connecting with hers.

"Hardly."

"Really?" Derek continued looking at her. He seemed to think if he stared her down long enough she'd tell him what he wanted to know. That wasn't going to happen.

"Really. And besides, even if I did, I wouldn't tell you anything." She turned back to face the elevator doors. One more floor to go.

Behind her she could almost hear Derek pouting. Meredith smiled to herself. She loved watching him squirm when he wasn't getting something he wanted.

The doors opened and Meredith escaped from the elevator.

"_Sucker_" she thought. But seriously, if Derek wanted news about Addison, he might as well go straight to the source. It seemed like the ideal situation, getting Derek and Addison to talk to each other again. It was getting kind of ridiculous.

Meredith gave another small smile at that thought. Maybe things around the hospital would go back to normal.

She knew it was weird, her being happy at the thought of her ex-boyfriend and his ex-wife possibly being friends again, but she was. Things between Derek and her just hadn't worked out. The only thing that really mattered to her was that, in the end, he was happy. And if his being happy was dependant on his relationship with Addison, than so be it. Meredith would just flow with it.

The future would happen regardless of her feelings, so it was better to just accept that than try and fight it. So Meredith wasn't going to fight.

.

.

It seemed that the more determined Addison became at not caring about Derek, the harder it became for her to work. Everything seemed to be piling up.

She had mountains of paperwork waiting to be filed in her office; patients by the dozen; and more surgeries than she could possibly deal with in the time that they were scheduled. With that and the strain of recent happenings, Addison felt like she was drowning. She needed a break, a long one.

Maybe she'd fly out to visit her family for a while. Yeah right, she wanted peace and quiet. There was no possible way she'd get that spending the weekend with them. It was nearly impossible to relax around her father.

Scratch that idea then. Scratch the whole vacation idea. She had too much work here; she couldn't just pick up and leave. God knows how Derek had done it.

Speaking of Derek, he was walking down the hall at that moment. Addison tried to make herself look more poised, more carefree. Not that she looked that un-composed in the first place- it was all psychological. Her mind was in complete disarray.

Derek was coming closer. Addison nervously ran a hand through her hair as she looked down intently at the chart she was working on. What was written in the chart was the last thing on her mind. Watching Derek out of the corner of her eye, Addison saw him approach the nurses' station where she was standing. He leaned against the desk and asked the nurse for one of his patients charts. Addison stole a quick glance at his face. He was looking at her.

Addison quickly looked away. Thoughts about what she should do ran through her head. This was her chance. Should she say something? If yes, than what? That Mark was an ass; that she was sorry; that she missed him… Her mind was racing, she felt herself panicking. What was she supposed to do?! The little voice in her head wouldn't leave her alone.

_'Just say hello!'_

If it was possible for that little voice to have a tone, Addison's was unquestionably exasperated.

This was pitiable. She had been married to the man for almost twelve years and she couldn't even say 'hi'. Pathetic.

Fine. She's just say hello and go with the flow after. Addison took a deep breath and looked up, ready to talk. Derek was already gone. Her inner-battle had taken too long.

Addison would've sworn she heard the little voice _'tsk'_- at her.

_'Shut up.'_ She thought. Great, now she was going crazy. There was no little voice talking to her, yet she was talking to it. Just perfect. Her gaze returned to her chart and a frown found its way to her mouth. She had gotten her hopes up and as her heart stopped racing Addison felt them falling again. Maybe Derek wasn't ready to talk to her. Maybe he didn't want to talk at all.

"Forget it". Addison whispered to herself as she returned the chart and stalked off down the hall.

.

In actuality, Derek had been thinking the same thing Addison had been. He had seen her standing there, and when she had looked at him, he felt his hopes growing. Maybe, just maybe she wanted to talk to him.

He had been completely oblivious to her inner-conversation since he had been having one of his own.

Should he talk to her, or not? Derek felt like he was back in high school. Seriously, he was a grown man, an adult. He could have a civil conversation with a fellow colleague; it wouldn't be the end of the world. It didn't matter if said colleague was his ex-wife. They were mature enough to handle this. He hoped…

Derek's nerve failed him. He'd talk to Addison after he found out where they stood in terms of her hating him or not. He didn't want to screw things up, so he walked away never noticing that Addison looked like she was about to say something.

Derek didn't know he had just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

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	9. Chapter 9

Saving Grace

**Chapter nine**

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**.**

Addison woke up that morning feeling angry. Partly because it was only seven a.m. and today was her day off, meaning she could've slept late; and partly because of her ex-husband.

She had tried running into him after their encounter at the nurses' station, but he had disappeared. It frustrated her to no end. She wanted to be mature about this and when she finally got the guts to talk to Derek, he vanishes. It was as if they were married again…the fates had something against her.

Addison rolled over in bed trying to fall back asleep, but the pissed off felling wouldn't leave her alone. She threw the covers aside in a huff.

If she wasn't going to get to sleep on her day off, she'd at least make the best of it. Addison pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a light sweater. She'd go for a run-maybe it would clear her head a bit so that she could enjoy the rest of her day.

.

.

Derek woke up feeling determined. Today he was going to take a stand. He was going to find out once and for all how Addison felt towards him. He had stalked Meredith for the past day or so to try and get some information out of her, but she kept skirting the subject. But today would be different. He couldn't wait anymore, and he had a feeling Addison wouldn't be able to either. He had noticed her efforts to try and catch him for a few minutes here or there, but he wanted everything to be perfect in the end. He didn't want to ruin the chance-if there was one- at them being friends again, if not more. He couldn't ruin that, it meant so much to him.

So today, Derek was determined.

.

.

'Only eight o'clock in the morning and the harassment already begins' Meredith thought when she saw Derek running over to her. She rolled her eyes. Before he had a chance to say anything to her, Meredith stopped him.

"You're wasting your time."

"Come now Dr. Grey. You don't even know what I'm going to say." He placed both hands on his hips and looked at her, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Really Dr. Shepherd?" she looked back at him intently. Meredith knew exactly what he wanted. "Really."

Meredith gave him a pointed look. Derek laughed. "All right, you know me too well Meredith." She raised an eyebrow at his comment.

"I don't think it has to do with knowing you Dr. Shepherd. I think it has to do with the fact that you've been bothering me about the same exact thing every time you see me, which, right now, is way too often." She kept walking down the hallway. Derek laughed again before following her.

"Come on." He had to run to catch up. Meredith seemed to be trying to outrun him, so he stepped in front of her, stopping her from continuing. She tried stepping around him but whichever direction she moved, he copied, effectively blocking her path.

Meredith looked at him and threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Derek, stop it! You're acting like a teenager. If you want to talk to her, just do it already! Stop wasting time talking to me about her. She's probably given up on you by now. I would have." She walked off leaving him dumbfounded, thinking about his situation.

.

.

Later that day found Derek sitting at a table alone, still thinking about what his best course of action would be. If Addison had been there, he had no doubt that he would've walked right up to her. But she wasn't. As luck would have it, today was her day off.

Derek picked at the food in front of him. He wasn't really hungry just then.

.

Meredith was watching Derek from across the cafeteria. He looked so confused and she knew it was because of the whole Addison situation. He didn't know what to do, he was so uncertain about where the two of them stood. She felt bad for him.

Meredith walked over to his table, standing behind him. She leaned down and whispered in his ear- "She doesn't hate you." She didn't stick around to see his reaction.

.

Derek watched Meredith's retreating figure as he allowed a huge smile to cross his face.

Addi didn't hate him. Derek felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. She didn't hate him! His whole day had just changed drastically. Jumping up from his seat, Derek quickly threw out what was left of his untouched lunch. He was still not hungry, but now for a completely different reason.

He was so ecstatic, he didn't even know where he was going and all the endorphins being released in his brain didn't help him think straight. He just knew that he had to talk to Addison.

The thought of hearing her voice again gave him an adrenaline rush. Things would go back to normal with them, they would be friends again. Derek was on cloud-9. He didn't know what to do, if he should go find Addison or wait until they ran into each other. He opted for finding her.

Upon reaching the elevator, Derek stopped short. He had completely forgotten in the last few minutes that today was her day off.

_'Oh come on!'_

The fates were playing with him, and they were really enjoying their game. Derek didn't want to wait any longer. He needed to talk with Addison. If a chance existed for him with her, he couldn't lose it. He had to believe there was one. He couldn't live without Addison in his life, there still had to be a chance.

He'd go to her house. He'd leave work and go see her. He would work out what he'd say when he got there. For now, he had a plan.

And his plan was crushed. Derek just remembered that he had a surgery scheduled in two hours. There wouldn't be time for him to go and get back.

"Damn it!" he cursed out loud as he stopped in front of the surgical board; jaw clenched and hands on his hips. He looked up at the ceiling, not believing how badly he was being screwed over. With the surgery, he'd be stuck at the hospital until later that evening.

God hated him. That was the only explanation for it. Derek was hated. _'This sucks.'_ It really did.

Derek was left with no choice but to wait until tonight to go over. He only hoped it wouldn't be too late.

.

.

The run Addison had gone on that morning had put her in a really good mood. Getting her adrenaline flowing really agreed with her.

She had come home and taken a nice hot shower, after which she had gone downstairs to make herself breakfast. She had been in the mood for French toast and eggs and had made enough to last through lunch. For the most part Addison just lounged around, rearranging the furniture and the knick knacks situated throughout the house.

One of her quirks; when she got bored and happy at the same time, she organized regardless of the fact that everything was already organized. When they had first gotten married, Derek told her he thought it was cute. Then she had started in on his office and it wasn't cute anymore. She had been banned from touching his things for a long time.

That had lasted her a good few hours, organizing. Afterwards, she went around collecting all the little things Mark had left behind and crammed it all into a box. She wouldn't throw it out, not yet anyways. For now, she'd shove it into the garage.

She had just been finishing up when the phone rang. The bun Addison was wearing her hair in bounced as she jumped up from the floor to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Addison."

It was her father. Addison's face scrunched up at that fact. She dreaded talking to her dad; he always put her on edge.

"Hi Daddy. How are you?"

"Fine sweetie. And yourself? How are things going?" his tone was almost sickeningly sweet as he answered her. Addison had the distinct feeling that something was about to be thrown in her face. "I went to visit James yesterday."

James was her bother. He was finishing up his residency at the hospital Addison had worked at in New York. Most people called him J.D.- his full name was James Daniel- but their father insisted on calling him James, just like he refused to call her anything other than 'Addison'.

Addison didn't know where the conversation was going. He went frequently to visit her brother at work. She waited for the bomb to drop.

"I spoke to Mark." And there it was.

Addison groaned to herself. Of course her father would've spoken to Mark-he loved Mark. Even after the affair he favored Mark over Derek. That's the way it worked with Edward Montgomery. Whoever managed to screw something up in his daughter's life was on his favorites list.

Addison didn't have the best relationship with her father.

"I meant to tell you Daddy. I just haven't gotten the chance to call." She really had planned on getting in touch to let him know Mark had left, but she never got around to it. Plus, Edward had been so happy when Mark and she had gotten together, she didn't have the heart to bring him down.

"I'm sorry Daddy. Things just didn't work with us."

"I know. Mark told me." She winced at the disappointment in his voice.

"Daddy…"

"Don't 'Daddy' me Addison. You're a grown woman. You'd think you wouldn't screw up anymore." He was harsh with her, but Addison had had years to get used to it. Some would have argued with their parents if they said something like that to them, but Addison knew it wasn't worth it. She'd just let him get it out of his system and then he'd leave her alone for a while. That was how things worked with them.

Edward would rant and rave about her behavior and then wouldn't call for a few weeks. At the end of his criticism, he always asked how she was doing, if she was ok. It was still important for Edward to know that she was doing alright.

It was little messed up, but Addison liked their arrangement.

She had tuned out her father as he had gone on and on about how she had let Mark go like an idiot, how she had wasted opportunity…She waited for him to finish, not saying anything. She was waiting of the end of his rant, it would be soon. And it came, sooner than she expected actually. There were a few minutes of silence where Addison heard her father breathing heavily into the phone.

"You're good?' straightforward, emotionless. As expected.

"Yes Daddy."

"Good."

She waited for him to say goodbye and heard the line 'click' as he hung up before she let out a sight of relief. Thank god that was over.

Talking with her father always got to her. Not so much in the past few months, but still. Addison decided to go take another hot shower to release the tension she now felt, to get her calm again.

She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall opposite her. It was six o'clock. She'd eat dinner in about an hour and a half, leaving her plenty of time to take a leisurely shower. Making her way up to the bedroom, she pulled the pony tail out of her hair, releasing the bun. She trudged tiredly up the stairs thinking about the "conversation" she'd just had with Edward.

She really needed that shower.

.

.

The wind blew softly that night as he stood outside the house. Leaves on the trees ruffled softly and clouds shaded the moonlight. The lights in the house were off except for the kitchen and a room upstairs, most probably the bedroom. The rest of the house was dark.

He had been standing outside on the front porch for about ten minutes already; trying to figure out what he was going to say. All he had so far was "hi" and he considered that an accomplishment.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. He stepped back a bit, placing his hands in the pockets of his coat as he waited. Footsteps approached a few seconds later.

There door opened and there she was, standing in front of him, less than a foot away.

"Hi." His voice was surprisingly steady.

"Derek." Addison pulled the robe she was wearing tighter around her. She had just gotten out of the shower minutes before she heard the door. She had been more than surprised to see Derek standing there. Out of all the people she had thought would be at her front door, Derek Shepherd would have been the last one.

"What are you doing here?"

He looked down for a minute, apparently contemplating what to tell her. He couldn't think of anything that wasn't too blunt, so he just looked at her. She repeated herself.

"Derek, why are you here?" she could think of a million things she could say at the moment, but she wasn't the one standing on his front porch.

"Addison…" he paused. He didn't know how to express himself to her. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't want to overwhelm her. "Addison, I, I…" Oh god, he was stammering.

Derek felt like he was trying to ask a girl out to prom again. This was humiliating.

"I'm sorry." It was better than nothing.

Addison looked at him strangely. She should have been the one to apologize, not him. She waited for him to continue.

Derek decided to leave it at that. Explaining would be too hard, especially since he had done nothing wrong. Why _had_ he said he was sorry? He shook his head slightly to clear it. Addison was still quiet. She readjusted her body, leaning now against the doorpost, and arms crossed over her chest.

"You don't-"

Derek cut her off before she could say anything else. He decided that he wanted to explain, that he had to explain himself. He had come out here to make things right, and he wouldn't leave until he said his part.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Well not everything. I'm not sorry Mark left, I'm not sorry things didn't work with you two, and I'm not sorry for a bunch of other things, but I am sorry. I'm sorry for leaving, and I'm sorry for ignoring you, but mostly I'm sorry for not being there for you, not being there _with_ you. I know you like to be all independent and not let anyone hold you up, especially when you need them to the most, but I know you need that. Just to have someone there. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

That was it. Derek had said what he came to say. Now he could leave.

Derek turned around and headed down the few stairs to the sidewalk. He was on the second step when her voice pulled him back.

"Me too."

He turned around. Addison was still in the doorframe, the glow from the house creating a halo of light around her body. As he looked at her, she stepped onto the porch, coming towards him. "What?"

She was standing directly in front of him. He came up a step so that he was level with her.

"I'm sorry too."

Derek felt his surroundings blur as her lips attacked his; her hands gripping the sides of his face. He did nothing but lean into her, returning the kiss, his hands running through her hair.

The next minute as they pulled apart, Derek was oblivious to everything besides Addison's face, shining in the almost non-existent moonlight. He smiled.

The fates were playing with them, and now his team was winning.

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.

.


	10. Chapter 10

Saving Grace

**Chapter ten**

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**.**

**.**

A huge smile was plastered across Derek's face when he showed up to work. He was happier than he had ever been since coming to Seattle. He hadn't stopped smiling since last night. Somewhere along the way, Derek had forgotten that being with Addison could do that to him, make him so completely happy. He missed that; he missed her.

The smile widened a bit as Derek thought about the night before.

After they kissed, Addison had invited him inside. Nothing had happened, they just talked.

For hours at the kitchen table, they had just sat and talked about everything and anything that came to mind. Derek had done the majority of the talking, being too hyped up to stop. Addison hadn't minded. When she wanted to talk, Derek sat quietly listening, giving her all his attention. It wasn't hard for him to do, it was Addison after all. If he could, he'd give her all the attention in the world, more even. She deserved it.

But, for the most part, she had kept quiet. Derek had assumed she was just overwhelmed or tired. He definitely was. So at around two in the morning, he decided to go. Giving Addison a quick kiss on the cheek, he left.

Derek didn't know what Addison had done after, but he had practically skipped home (besides the fact that he was driving.) once he got home, all Derek did was fall straight asleep the exact same way he had woken up-smiling. And now he was here, anxious as hell.

Derek couldn't wait to see Addison. He felt almost like he had when they were interns and they had first met.

Addison had been one of the only girls in the whole program and they had been placed under separate residents until Derek had himself switched after the second month, right before they started dating.

Derek kept seeing her around the hospital, but just glimpses at a time, and he wanted more than that so he had spoken to his resident and switched. Mark, who was in the same group with Addison, had told Derek that he was crazy, switching because of a girl, but Derek didn't care.

Addison was the only thing on his mind at the time besides medicine. The only problem had been she barely noticed him. It drove Derek crazy. Here was this drop dead, gorgeous, intelligent, sexy girl who wouldn't give him the time of day. But he was too nervous to ask her on a date.

Mark eventually talked him into it, and in the third month of their internship, Derek asked her to go out with him. Not long after that, Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery were the hottest couple at Sacred Heart and they couldn't get enough of each other.

Derek felt like that now. He couldn't get enough of Addison. He needed her. Getting to work had taken too long or maybe it was just the wait that had taken forever. Whatever it was, it was over now. He was here, and hopefully Addison was too. Now Derek just had to find her.

He looked all over, finally seeing her in one of the operating rooms. Derek watched her from the gallery for the last hour of her surgery. He watched as Addison carefully stitched up the precise incision she had made earlier and left one of the interns to bandage up the patient as she left the room. Derek left the gallery, hoping to catch up with her before she disappeared, but he was out of luck.

Derek thought quickly about where Addison could have gone, remembering that she always like to relax after a surgery before going back to work. He went in the direction of one of the on-call rooms. Addison wasn't in there. He quickly tried the next two, also finding them vacant. He was about to check the locker room when his beeper went off.

'911'

His search would have to wait.

.

.

A half hour later found Derek up in the Maternity ward resuming his fervent search for Addison. He was getting tired of this. Where was she? It's not like she could have disappeared into thin air and he knew she was still at the hospital. He wanted to see her already. Didn't she want to see him too?

Seriously, where was she? Derek couldn't think of any place else to look, so he had to come up with a different plan to find her.

.

.

Addison had just been about to take a much needed break when one of the nurses came over to her and told her that she was needed for a consult. She dragged herself over to room 2280, thinking about the surgery she had performed that morning. She had seen Derek watching her from the gallery and she had allowed herself to feel slightly flattered. It had been a long time since she had been looked at that way and she missed the feelings that came along with it. Then she remembered the promise she had made to herself.

After kissing Derek the night before, it had bothered her the whole time. She didn't know what to do. Being like that with Derek again would be amazing and she was all for it, but she wasn't ready for all the emotional baggage that came along with it. She wasn't strong enough.

So, she steered clear of him that morning. She hadn't figured out yet what she wanted and the little voice of reason in her head kept nagging at her. Strangling it seemed like the best idea at the moment.

Addison let out a yawn as she opened the door to room 2280 and stepped in.

The room was empty. The door closed behind her with a 'click' and she was shoved up against it, someone kissing her zealously.

"Derek, wh-"

Her lips were trapped by his. All thoughts of reason flew out of Addison's head as she felt Derek's hands trailing down her body, reaching under her and hoisting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and ran her hands over his shoulders, down his back.

Holding all her weight, Derek moved them over to the bed and placed Addison down so she was sitting in front of him. He grabbed her hair and pulled back so the arch of her neck was exposed to him. She groaned as his mouth sought her skin, his tongue occasionally moving with it. His lips came back to hers as she tilted his head back up, her hands in his hair. He copied her and ran his hand through her hair, coming around to the front of her neck, trailing lower and lower.

Addison sighed as the cloth of her shirt fell away from her and Derek's mouth replaced it. She felt him all over, touching her, kissing her…and she was in heaven.

Her last coherent thought was that she needed him. She needed him now.

.

Twenty minutes later found a disheveled Derek exiting the room, looking very satisfied with himself. He quickly slipped away, pulling his lab coat on.

Addison exited a few minutes after him, going in the opposite direction while tugging on her skirt, making sure it was straight. A nurse glanced after both of them, rolling her eyes.

'Attendings.'

.

.

Derek thought it was impossible for him to be happier than he had been this morning, but as he left Seattle Grace that day, he proved himself wrong. Happiness was flowing through him, the feeling was intoxicating. Addison was intoxicating.

Oh god, Addi. She was….Derek couldn't think of the right words to describe her. It was Addison. She was everything he needed, everything he wanted.

Especially everything he wanted at the moment, but he'd have to wait. Addi only got off in about an hour. They had made plans for later. Derek would pick her up at eight and then they were going to go to dinner and whatever else they decided before heading back to his place.

It wasn't really a date, just a friendly get together. That's how Addison put it. Derek laughed at that thought. If all their friendly get togethers ended at his place, what a life that would be.

That wasn't the point though. He wasn't one to take advantage like that. He wasn't one to refuse sex either, especially when it was offered by Addison Montgomery. He'd have to be a complete and utter fool to say no to her, anyone would be. And for now, he'd be ok with that, but he would want more. He wanted a future again. Derek wanted Addi back.

.

.

When Derek showed up that evening, Addison was still rushing around getting ready.

"Derek, I told you I needed time to get ready!"

"You said eight o'clock was alright."

"I know I said eight was good, but you know I never mean eight!" She frantically clasped her necklace around her neck and pulled on her earrings.

"You're always on time Addison."

"Yes, but never for these things. You know that Derek." He let out a low chuckle.

"I do know. Relax Addi, I only made the reservations for nine. No need for you to rush."

Addison stopped hurrying and calmed down a bit. She shook her head at herself causing Derek to smile at her fondly.

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

Derek walked over to stand in front of her. "I like watching you run around like that. You're cute when you do; kind of like the energizer bunny…"

"Oh, really." Addison was looking at him.

"Really."

Derek's heart started pounding. Addison looked gorgeous. Her hair was straight down, pulled behind her ears. The backless dress she had on fit snuggly in all the right places, accentuating all her good qualities, with a dip in the front that didn't expose too much, but allowed a guys mind to wander, and Derek's was definitely wandering.

Addison raised an eyebrow at him as she saw his gaze trailing lower and lower over her body.

'Ahem.' She gave a little cough to get his attention. His eyes shot back to her face. She was smiling at him. The twinkle in her eyes made him smile back, and then suddenly she was on him, her lips on his. Derek pulled back for a second before he came right back.

A few minutes later, they both pulled back, looking at each other breathlessly.

"I don't know about you, but I'm not so hungry anymore." Derek said, his eyes dancing.

Addison laughed. "Me neither." Pulling his face towards her again, Addison kissed the side of his jaw, moving up towards the spot right below his ear.

Derek's hands moved so one was around her waist and the other on the back of her head. He dipped her sharply, his hands supporting her body. She giggled, which made him smile. He moved his mouth to her lips again, kissing her. First softly, and then more erotically each time.

Addison's hands maneuvered their way down to his chest and the buttons of his shirt. As she started to undo them, Derek breathlessly suggested that they make their way upstairs or at least over to the couch.

Addison agreed eagerly and somehow, amidst all the kissing and undressing, they fumbled their way up the stairs to the bedroom.

Once there, Derek lifted her up and walked over to the bed. He put his knee on it, and slowly lowered her down so she was lying comfortably. He kissed her neck and her hair and just held her for a few seconds before she kissed him roughly and passionately. She pushed him down onto his back and straddled him, leaning down again.

He laughed excitedly and somewhat nervously before catching her lips with his.

Let the fun begin.

.

.

.


	11. Chapter 11

Saving Grace

**Chapter 11**

**.**

**.**

**.**

Addison woke up slowly; it was still the middle of the night. At first she couldn't quite remember what had happened earlier, but then she felt the bed shift next to her. Rolling onto her other side, her gaze met gorgeous blue. Derek's eyes were open and they were looking straight at her.

"Hey." He whispered softly.

Addison responded with a small smile, showing him that she was happy to see him. Derek was propped up on his elbow looking down at her. He leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead.

Running his hands through her hair slowly, he saw her stifling a yawn.

"Go back to sleep Addi. I'll be here when you wake up."

Her eyes shut slowly and her breathing deepened as Derek stayed in that position, watching her. Once he was certain she was in fast asleep, he allowed himself to close his eyes and relax. They had a few more hours before they both had to be at work.

.

.

She was gone when Derek woke up. He rolled over; reaching an arm out to pull her towards him and all he found was a piece of paper. Grumbling to himself, he quickly read it.

_Derek,_

_I had a few errands to run before I had to leave for work and I didn't want to wake you. You're so cute when you sleep, like a little baby._(She had drawn a cute little smiley face next to that statement)._Anyways, I'm sorry I had to leave but I'm looking forward to seeing you in just a little while. Come find me when you get to the hospital._

_I'll be waiting…_

_Addi_

On his way out the door, Derek found another note taped to the front door.

_By the way, considering we never ended up going out last night, I was thinking that maybe we could reschedule for tonight._

_I already made the reservations for 8:30, so you don't have to worry about that. After dinner….well, that's another story._

_._

_._

The rain tapped lightly against the roof. The sound wasn't very loud, but it was the only other noise that Addison heard besides for Derek's steady breathing. He was lying next to her in the bed, sleeping soundly.

The pit-pat reverberated off the tin roof of the trailer, keeping her from falling asleep. She told herself it was because of the rain, but really her head was just too full.

Dinner had been great. Derek always found the best places to go, and he had never taken her to the same restaurant twice. That had been a plus in their marriage.

This time it was a nice quiet Thai place where the atmosphere had been calm and the food had been great. Derek had started talking about the day's events and Addison had half-heartedly paid attention. The conversation shifted onto other topics as the evening progressed, all irrelevant and unimportant to anything.

Addison had tried to talk about more serious topics, mainly their infamous past. It seemed wrong to her that they should start something new without taking care of the old first, but Derek said he didn't want to talk yet. He wasn't ready so she dropped the discussion and returned to the trivial exchange they had been having. Afterwards, Derek had brought her back to the trailer and talking had been the last thing on their minds.

But now, as she sat and listened to Derek's breathing and the rain falling outside, Addison couldn't stop thinking about it. And whether or not Derek was planning on ignoring the whole thing, as it seemed to her at the time, she would never be able to just forget it.

Sleep evaded her as thoughts about New York and the prom and the divorce raced through her head. Addison had long since given up trying to sleep, and moved to the small kitchen to sit at the table.

Glancing around the side of the wall, she saw Derek still sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took.

At that moment, Addison envied him. She wanted to sleep and not care, to let her dreams take her away from the world even if only for a couple of hours. She was jealous and unpredictably mad.

It wasn't fair that Derek shouldn't want to talk to her about what had happened between them. It wasn't something you should be able to just forget like that and get a good nights sleep. It made Addison mad to think that Derek wasn't going to talk with her. If he wanted to just push it aside, that was his choice, but he wasn't the only one hurt back then. Addison wasn't going to let him ignore it and sleep with her as if nothing had happened.

She knew that's what they had done when they were trying to work things out with their marriage, but things were different now. If things were going to work between Derek and her this time around, the past had to be addressed.

Addison couldn't stay here anymore. The trailer was too confining for her and in the mood she was in, being in an enclosed space this small seemed like a really bad idea. She had to get out.

Derek shifted in the bed as Addison started to pull on her clothes. She winced slightly as the zipper on her skirt caught her skin as she closed it too fast. She needed to get out before he woke up. Of course, she couldn't get dressed quick enough.

Derek woke up as she was pulling on her shirt. She cursed inwardly as his eyes caught sight of her.

"Addi, what's going on? Where are you going?" She couldn't think of an explanation for her midnight mussing, so Addison kept quiet while she buttoned up her shirt.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Derek." Her tone was curt. She was more upset than she had initially thought. While she slipped on her shoes, Derek became fully awake.

"Seriously, Addison, what's going on?"

"Nothing Derek. I just have to go."

"Why?"

Addison paused as she stood up from the bed and looked at Derek. Why was she so upset with him? She couldn't find an answer. She watched him for another minute, him gazing back at her in concern, before it clicked.

She felt herself choking up as she realized why she was so angry.

"I just have to." She was out the door, Derek's cry of "Addison!" lost to her as she ran.

Addison was halfway to her car when she felt Derek grab her from behind. She was swung around, Derek gripping her arms tightly. She tried pulling away but Derek just pulled her back to him.

"Addison, what's going on? Did something happen?"

Addison's eyes welled up at the anxiety in his voice. She had to get away.

"Derek, just let me go! I have to go." She pounded weakly against his chest. Tears were threatening to overcome her and she didn't want him to see. Why couldn't he understand that she just needed him to let her go!

"Addison, please! Tell me what happened!" he saw she was on the verge of crying and his grip on her arm tightened a bit.

The dam burst.

"You! You happened Derek!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, quickly mingling with the rain falling around them. Derek let go of Addison as if her outburst had burned him. She sunk to the ground at his feet as she cried her anger away. Derek crouched next to her. Through the tears she gazed up at him, eyes glistening and full of emotions that Derek couldn't pinpoint.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be!" Derek didn't know or understand what she was talking about, but he let her continue. "Things were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be with Meredith! I was supposed to move on." A fresh batch of tears replaced the old ones and sobs racked her body. Derek tried to hold her but Addison pulled away.

"I let you go Derek. I let you go so that you could be with the new love of your life. I gave you a chance and you took it. You took it! And I was supposed to move on, but I couldn't! I can't move on. I was supposed to, and you were supposed to be with her."

Addison paused to take a much needed breath. "I was supposed to let you go, not fall in love again."

Derek took her hand, and didn't let her pull away this time. He looked into her tear-filled eyes and used his hand to gently wipe away the wetness on her cheeks which was replaced hastily by the still falling rain.

"Addison. Maybe you're not supposed to. I made a mistake, I let myself love someone else, and that was wrong. But the one I really wanted….the one I still want…is right in front of me, has always been right in front of me." He tilted her chin up. "I'm sorry I made a mistake. I realized that, but I belong to you Addison, no one else."

"You don't anymore Derek."

"But I could, I want to." A lone tear escaped from the corner of his eye as he spoke. "You gave me a chance before Addison, give me another one. I made a mistake but it won't happen again. Give me the chance and I'll show you. I love you."

Another sob escaped her. "Sometimes love isn't enough Derek. It wasn't before." Derek stood.

"This time it will be Addi." He pulled her up and hugged her as hard as he could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. He held her tightly as they cried together for a few minutes. The rain still fell around them, but neither of them cared.

Derek whispered into her hair. "What do you say we go back inside?"

Addison was too worn out to do anything but nod her consent. With her arms still wrapped around his neck, Derek used one hand to support her back and placed the other under her knees, gently lifting Addison. She didn't protest and let herself relax in his arms.

Once inside the trailer, Derek placed her softly on the bed and crawled in on the other side next to her.

"Come here, Addi." He gently turned her on her side, facing away from him. He wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on the top of her head, eyes closed. Tonight she needed the comfort. She needed to be held and kissed and loved. He kissed her neck and her hair and just held her against him. He felt her shift in his arms. He opened his eyes and sat up.

Addison turned to face him. Derek smiled at her as he leaned towards her. She raised her head a bit off the pillow, meeting his lips halfway.

He kissed her again. All the pent up love and emotion and desire for her burst out and he only let her go when he knew she needed more air.

Addison looked at him, running her fingers down the side of his face and through his hair. He smiled down at her, wrapped his arms around her back and holding her head with one hand. She kissed his forehead, his cheek, his neck and then his lips once more before laying her head on his shoulder.

"I love you Derek."

He kissed her forehead and held her tighter.

"I love you too."

.

.

.


	12. Chapter 12

Saving Grace

**Chapter 12**

**.**

**.**

**.**

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and the remains of last night's rain disappeared. In short, everything was perfect as Addison lay in bed that morning. Everything except the doubt that shadowed her.

She had believed everything Derek had told her the night before, but she was still to insecure to trust him. They had been through so much together, it was hard to believe that there wouldn't be a repeat.

"Good morning." Derek was standing at the foot of the bed.

"Good morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you."

Derek smiled at her and crawled onto the bed. Addison blushed as he leaned on the headboard, pulling her against him while he said "I forgot how gorgeous you look when you sleep."

Addison answered him with a kiss.

"Seriously Addison, you're perfect." Her kiss was eagerly returned. "I love you."

That was all Addison really needed to hear at the moment for the doubt to go flying out of her mind. She smiled in content. Her trust was earned for at least a few days.

.

Derek felt his heart soar when he saw Addison smile at his words. He truly meant them, just like he had meant everything he said last night. He would do anything he had to prove to her that he was being sincere.

Including make her breakfast.

Derek got up from the bed and went into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later, a tray in his hands filled with pancakes, French toast, a glass of orange juice and a flower.

"Oh, Derek, when did you do this?"

He sat down next to her once again and placed the tray on her lap.

"I got up a little early."

"Sweetie, you didn't have to do that."

He gave her his winning smile. "I know, but I wanted to."

"Derek." Addison looked at him. She kissed him gently, her hand on the side of his face. It ended and Derek pulled back to look at her.

"Thank you."

Derek smiled at her again. "No, thank you." They kissed again, and after a few minutes, breakfast was forgotten as passion overcame them and the tray crashed to the floor.

.

Twenty minutes later Addison glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand.

"Derek…"

"Yeah…"

"Derek..."

"Hmm?" he didn't stop kissing her and she had to put her hand over his mouth to get his full attention.

"We're going to be late for work." He pulled her hand off his mouth and held it above her head as he continued.

"So let's be late." Addison giggled as his breath tickled her ear. As much as she wanted to stay right there…they had to go and earn a living.

"Derek…"

"Fine." He lay down on his side of the bed, arms crossed over his chest, pouting like a petulant child. "Let's go save lives."

Addison gave him one last kiss before she got up off the bed.

"Don't worry sweetie. I'll make it up to you."

.

.

The sun was shining, and the birds were chirping not only for Addison and Derek, but for the rest of the Seattle Grace hospital staff who pulled into the parking lot. Greetings were exchanged along with cups of coffee and gossip as interns and residents made their way inside the building.

Bailey met up with Meredith, George, and Izzie as they headed into the locker room. She looked pissed.

"Alright. The idiot on-call interns last night left a huge mess that us valued morning shift important people have to take care of, so you delinquents better pretend to know what you're doing and act like real doctors or you'll end up on my black list."

The three of them looked at each other as they quickly changed into scrubs and followed their resident out of the locker room, waiting for their assignments of the day.

"Dr. Shepherd needs help with his craniotomy scheduled later. Pre-op labs and a full work up-Grey, go. O'Malley, you're with Torres. Cristina, you're with Burke; Karev-pit, and Stevens, you're with Dr. Montgomery. Go, go, go!"

Within two minutes all the interns had disappeared, leaving Miranda standing alone in the hallway.

"And that's the way it's supposed to be."

.

.

Meredith caught up with Derek in the hallway.

"Dr. Shepherd, wait up!"

"Oh, hello Meredith. You're my intern today?"

"Yes I am"

"And what a lovely day it is."

"I guess so."

"What's not lovely about it? The sun is shining; the birds are chirping…everything is going perfectly." Meredith followed him to the elevator.

"Looks like someone's all bright and shiny today…"

"Bright and shiny indeed." He gave her a smile.

The elevator opened and both of them got out and headed down the hallway, before turning into a room.

"Miss Kagan, this is Dr. Grey." He turned towards her. "Rebecca here is scheduled for a craniotomy later. You know the drill, have fun." Derek turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Meredith stared after him.

Derek's eyes twinkled as he answered her. "I have to go find someone. I left something in their office and I want to see if they found it."

There was a bounce in his step as Derek ran out of the room.

.

Running down the halls towards Addison's office, Derek's heart was racing. He hoped Addison had been in there already; he couldn't wait to see her reaction.

The squeal of delight he heard the next minute alerted him to the fact that she had just gone in.

The door to her office slammed open as Addison came running out. Spotting Derek down the hall coming towards her, Addison ran to him, throwing her arms around his next and grabbing his lips in a kiss.

"I take it you like it?"

"I love it!"

Her face was shining; eyes twinkling as she looked up at him, a smile on her lips.

"I knew you would." Addison's eyes held a look of admiration for him. "Come; let's go get something to eat."

They both started walking down the hall to the cafeteria. Addison stopped suddenly and grabbed Derek's arm, pulling him into a supply closet.

"I have a better idea than lunch."

She smirked as the door shut behind them.

.

.

Late that night, Derek lay in bed wide awake. Addison was lying next to him, his arms wrapped around her. Her head was tucked under his chin, their legs tangled together.

Once Addison had finished her shift, Derek had taken her out to eat and then for a ride on the ferry. Once that was over she had invited him back to her place, which was where he was now. Addison had fallen asleep about an hour ago, and Derek stayed up watching her. It was one of his favorite things to do.

Like he had told her earlier, she looked gorgeous while she slept. At work she always looked so put-together with her designer clothes and perfectly applied make-up; the way everyone expected her to be. But when she was asleep, she didn't have to live up to peoples expectations. When she was sleeping she was just Addison. No make up, no fancy hairdo, and no designer outfits to hide behind. When Addison was sleeping she could be herself, and Derek found that that was when she was the most amazing.

He ran his free hand through her hair; the other was holding Addison's hand, their fingers entwined. He glanced over at the night table, where his surprise from earlier was.

Resting in a gold frame was a white flower, pink around the edges. It was a solanaceae. Derek remembered the day Addison had explained it to him.

.

"_The nightshade plant. Some people say that it originates from the Latin verb 'solari' which means 'to soothe'."_

The Forbes-Montgomery household had always been full of them-hanging in a wreath on the door, on every table in the foyer, in every vase, in every room. Every holiday that they had gone to visit her father, Addison had bought a fresh bouquet of the same flowers. She had ignored Derek's suggestion of lilies or roses and stuck with the solanaceae.

"_No Derek, I'm not going to buy daffodils or sunflowers for them."_

"_But why not? They're also pretty flowers, and they're much cheaper."_

That was when Addison had sat him down and explained it to him.

"_They were my mother's favorite flower. My father used to buy her a fresh bouquet every Sunday to start off the week." She paused for a minute and Derek wrapped his arm around her. "When she died, he kept buying them so that we would remember her."_

_Derek hugged her gently._

"_So we can't buy roses or sunflowers Derek, because that won't help remember her."_

_._

From then on they always bought the solanaceae. Occasionally Derek would buy a bouquet of their own for the brownstone but once things started going downhill, he stopped.

Derek had had the gift for a while, buried in one of the boxes he had brought from New York. He had been meaning to give it to her for her birthday the year before, but he had forgotten and there had been so much going on that he never remembered.

Until now. The night before as Addison slept, he had gotten out one of the boxes and started to look through it. There were a bunch of old photos from while they were dating, cards Addison had given him, and the frame with the flower. Today seemed like the perfect time to give it to her.

Derek sighed and snuggled closer to Addison. She seemed so happy now that things between them were working out. He only hoped he could keep it that way-he wanted to so badly.

He breathed in the scent of her hair and rubbed his fingers over the back of her hand. Her skin was smooth and soft.

Derek placed the hand that had been running through her hair around her waist, holding her gently. He stayed that way until the sun rose a few hours later.

.

.

.


	13. Chapter 13

Saving Grace

**Chapter 13**

**.**

**.**

**.**

Addison sighed in contentment. It had been a month since her and Derek had gotten together again, and things were working out fabulously. She was still nervous that one day it was all going to come crashing down on her, and the dream that seemed to last forever, would diminish, leaving her in a cold cruel world.

And when that day came, it would be dealt with. But as of now, Addison had nothing to fret about. Derek had been nothing but the bighearted, kind, remarkable man he had been when they had gotten married; leaving her with no doubt about his love for her.

Speaking of love, Valentines Day was coming up in a few days, along with it, her birthday. As corny as it sounded, Valentines was always her favorite day, and not just because it was her birthday.

True, the fact that it was Valentines Day on her birthday; or that her birthday was on Valentines Day, made the day all the more special but there was something else.

When she was younger Addison always knew the day was special, it wasn't until she was a teenager that she understood that it wasn't just because it was her birthday.

Her family celebrated Valentines Day more extravagantly than any other holiday. The rooms were decked in red hearts and flowers, cupids hanging on the wall, and a box of chocolate in each room.

On Valentines morning Addison would wake up to the smell of fresh baked Belgian waffles. Next to her on the bed a tray full of them would be waiting for her, smothered in maple syrup. Her parents would come in as soon as she woke up and place themselves on either side of her and talk with her about anything she wanted.

Addison always made them tell her the story of how they met. It was nothing spectacular, and they always made it seem dreamier and fairytale like than it actually was.

Addison was a hopeless romantic.

After romantically sprucing up their story, her parents would then explain to her the history of Valentines Day.

.

There were a bunch of different legends about it, but Addison's favorite was the legend where Valentine was a Christian detained for helping other Christians escape from prison where they were tortured like animals. He was taken before the Emperor or Rome and put in jail. There, he alleviated the jail keeper's daughter of loss of sight. When the Emperor found out about this phenomenon, he gave orders of beheading Valentine. On the morning of the execution, Valentine sent the keeper's daughter a farewell message signed "From your Valentine".

Addison always changed the end of the story-the romantic in her shoving its way to the surface.

Instead of Valentine being beheaded, the daughter would show up right before the execution and beg to the Emperor to let him go. The Emperor would, of course, let him go and the two of them would run off into the hills together, professing their undying love for one another.

Addison knew that wasn't how the story went. She knew he was killed and the keeper's daughter never begged for his life. Addison just…she needed to believe in something more. Especially with the way things had gone later in life, with her parents and with Derek, she needed to believe that love could survive anything, that love could stop anything from happening.

For years, Addison had really believed that the world survived on love. Love was the one thing for her that was stable and strong-it could stop anything and nothing could break it or steal it away from her.

When her mother died, Addison had felt it slipping. Her faith in love had taken a fall downwards. She had been 11 years old.

.

Her father tried to keep her spirits up, tried to keep the romantic in her alive. It was hard, with two kids and a new baby, but he managed. Addison still believed that love found a way to survive. She knew now that it wasn't something completely untouchable, love had its weaknesses, but it had a pretty tough shell surrounding it.

When Cadence died, a part of the tough shell fell away. No, not even part of it. All of it fell away. Her father stopped trying to shield them. Reality smacked into the Montgomery children. Addison was already out of the house-she was 22 years old and at the end of her internship, yet her father's sudden coldness hit her hard, along with James, who was 16 at the time. They had gone from having a screen in front of them, to having the glass blown away in a split second, the shards cutting them on the way.

Reality could be harsh on you when you weren't used to it.

.

But Addison learned quickly. A few months later, she had met Derek and they had married when she was 24. Her father was less than thrilled at the engagement, considering he wanted her to marry Mark, but he walked his daughter down the aisle with a smile nonetheless.

In the years to come, Addison managed to rebuild some parts of the safeguard that she had grown up with, Derek helping her.

Than the issues between the two had started and she was thrown back into those years between Cadence's death and her mother's when things were so horribly wrong. Love shattered. It shattered and stung her and Addison thought she would never be able to recover, but once again it was Derek showing her she could. He was showing her that love could still withstand it all.

Him being with her now was all Addison needed to get back on her feet, and now, she finally felt stable enough, strong enough, to embrace the world.

And now Valentines Day was coming. The one day that represented everything Addison believed in- that loves conquers all. As cliché as it was, that was what Addison decided, and she was sure as hell going to make it stay that way this time around.

.

Coming downstairs, Addison found Derek relaxing in the living room, a book perched on his knees, a pad of paper in his hands. A laptop was set up on the coffee table. Addison quietly snuck over to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, blowing onto his neck. She felt Derek shiver in her grip, his hand reaching up to gently cup her face as he kissed her.

"Hi sweetie."

"Hi yourself." His breath was warm against her face. Addison tried to get a glimpse of what he was doing before Derek hastily shut the laptop and closed the book, placing it next to the computer.

"What are you doing Derek?"

"Nothing Addi, just working."

Addison came around the side of the couch to cuddle next to him.

"I'll bet you were just working." Derek chuckled softly as he wrapped his arms around her. He gave her another kiss and quickly changed the subject.

"So, I guess you know what day is coming up."

"Of course I know. How could I forget?"

"I never thought you would forget, I just wanted you to know that I didn't."

"That's good." Another kiss.

"Really good." He ran his hand through her hair as she turned her body to face him. A small noise of agreement came from Addison as they kissed again, more intensely until they couldn't contain themselves.

The pad of paper on Derek's lap fell to the floor as Addison took its place, straddling him. Her shirt soon joined the pad, along with Derek's five minutes later.

Derek's hands tangled themselves in her hair and Addison wrapped her arms around his neck. He stood up partway, holding Addison up a bit, and positioned her so that he could lay her down on the couch. She giggled a bit through their kissing as she felt the soft cushions against her back and Derek's light touch against her bare stomach.

She didn't know what made her do it, but Addison pulled her lips away and grabbed Derek in a tight hug.

"I love you."

The words drifted over Derek's ear softly, like a cool spring wind running through the trees, causing a slight sway in the leaves. He felt his heart melt.

Returning the hug and the words, Derek felt nothing but bliss.

Addison, his Addi, was laying there, her arms wrapped around him, and his wrapped around her saying she loved him. Derek wanted nothing more.

He pulled away a bit so that he was looking straight into her eyes. The blue surrounded him and he felt as if he were drowning. Not in a bad way, but in a truly amazing way. The depths washed over him and he felt himself pulled into them, surrounded, sheltered.

"Wow…" his voice was no louder than a whisper.

"Hmm?" Addison was staring right back at him, was too content to ruin the moment by saying anything.

They stayed that way for a few more minutes, just gazing into each others eyes. Not moving, not talking, just breathing.

"Oh, Addi." Derek leaned down again slowly, brushing her lips softly with his before he brought his gaze back up to her eyes. He could think of nothing to say and a poem he had read by John Mansfield popped into his head. Deciding that it was nothing but befitting of the moment, and of the woman in his arms, Derek recited it quietly and slowly as he held her gaze.

"_I have seen dawn and sunset on moors and windy hills_

_Coming in solemn beauty like slow old tunes of Spain;_

_I have seen the lady April, bringing in the daffodils_

_Bringing the springing grass and the soft warm April rain._

_I have heard the song of the blossoms and the old chant of the sea,_

_And seen strange lands from under the arched white sails of ships;_

_But the loveliest things of beauty God ever has showed to me_

_Are her voice, and her hair, and the eyes, and the dear red curve of her lips."_

Derek leaned down again and was met halfway by Addison's lips. The kiss they shared in that moment was dearer and more passionate than any other in their entire relationship.

The emotions that flowed between them were astonishing and strong. Stronger than they ever were and it was in that moment that Derek knew.

He knew that Addison was the one woman he wanted to be with, the one woman to whom he could give his heart; who he could trust with his soul; with his entire being.

She was the one woman who could make him happier than he had ever been in his entire life. She was that woman.

Derek knew. Addison was the one.

.

.

.


	14. Chapter 14

Saving Grace

**Chapter 14**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_She was the one woman who could make him happier than he had ever been in his entire life. She was that woman._

_Derek knew. Addison was the one._

_._

_._

Derek didn't fall asleep for hours that night. Instead, he lay in bed daydreaming, or night dreaming as it were, about his epiphany that afternoon.

This was it; this was his chance for true happiness. He realized that what he felt for Addison was deep, unchanging, unconditional love. A love that was so rare and atypical that nobody even believed it existed in the first place.

Derek most definitely didn't believe.

But something struck him now, something that he couldn't pinpoint. It was telling him that a love like that really did exist and Addison and he were a part of it. Addison was it; she was the one who his heart longed for. She brought out the best in him and he loved the feeling.

Derek felt it was time to take the next step. He was going to propose. In three days it would be Addi's birthday and Valentines Day. He'd do it then; surprise her.

His eyes lit up as Derek thought about his plan. It would be the best proposal ever, it had to be. He owed Addison that much. She was the best thing in his life right now and she deserved everything he could give her.

A smile graced his face.

This was it. Derek Shepherd was going to propose.

.

.

From the minute Addison had arrived at Seattle Grace that morning, she hadn't gotten a chance to sit down and relax. She had a patient scheduled for surgery later that day that went into premature labor and then a car crash victim rushed in, not to mention the two consults she had been pulled into along with all her regular patients.

Adrenaline was pumping through her veins as if she was hooked up to an IV of the stuff. She needed a break.

After changing out of dirtied scrubs, Addison decided to head towards an on call room to relax for a bit. On the way, she heard Derek's voice coming from one of the rooms. Figuring he was busy with a patient, Addison decided to continue on her way down the hall. The sound of her name filtered through the slightly open doorway.

"Have you discussed this with Addison yet?"

Addison inched closer to the door upon hearing Burke mention her name.

"No, not yet"

_'Discussed what with me?'_ What did Derek need to talk with her about; they had just seen each other that morning.

"Don't you think it would be wise to get her opinion first? You don't want this to blow up in your face."

"I know Preston and I've thought about that to. I just, I want her so badly. I want to go back to the way things were. I want her to be my wife again."

Addison felt the color drain from her face.

_'His wife again?_' Derek wanted to marry her. She couldn't wrap her mind around the thought. In a daze she turned around and headed to her office. Once there she pulled the shades down and turned off the lights. The darkness in the room enveloped her and she found comfort in it.

Placing herself on her couch, Addison thought about what she had just heard.

Derek wanted to ask her to marry him. She'd be Addison Montgomery-Shepherd again.

_'It's exactly what you want.'_ The little voice at the back of her head said. _'So why aren't you jumping for joy?'_

Addison placed her head in her hands as the voice continued chiding at her. A knock at the door interrupted her musings. Too bothered to invite whoever was there to come in, Addison said nothing when they knocked again.

The door opened and light filtered in.

"Why in heaven's name are you sitting in here with the light off?"

"Come on in Miranda." Addison scooted over on the couch, making room for Bailey to sit down next to her. After closing the door and turning on the lights, Miranda stayed standing.

"What's going on?"

Addison looked up at her, squinting in the suddenly bright room. "What do you mean?"

"Please. I saw you basically run down the hallway before holing yourself up in here. So, what is it?" Miranda sat down on the couch. Addison's legs were curled up under her and she leaned her head back against the couch so she was looking at the ceiling.

"It's Derek."

"What did McScumbag do this time?" Addison shot her a look.

"He didn't do anything Miranda." She sighed. "I overheard him and Preston talking." Addison glanced down at her hands. "He said he wanted me to be his wife again."

Miranda clapped her hands together. "That's great then. He's going to propose."

Addison said nothing and Miranda's face quickly got serious.

"You're not happy about that. Why not?"

Addison looked at her, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't cry." Miranda placed a reassuring hand on Addison's knee as the tears started to fall. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"It is. It's what I've wanted for so long."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because, Miranda, it's all going to happen again. Everything is going to go wrong." A fresh burst of sobs escaped her.

"Shh. Stop crying, stop crying." Miranda tried to calm her down, rubbing her hand up and down her back, soothing Addison a little.

"What's going to go wrong again, Addison?"

Her sobs had calmed down enough for her to converse a little more coherently.

"Derek."

"What about Derek?"

"It's just, it's going to happen again. He's going to leave. I can't deal with it again."

"He's not going to leave you. Yes he was an ass and he made a mistake, but are you going to crucify the man for the rest of his life?"

Addison placed her head into her hands again as her body was wracked with sobs again.

"Oh hey! Don't start that again! I didn't mean anything by what I said; you have every right to crucify him. Hell, I'll even hand you the nails."

A small laugh made its way through.

"It's not Derek I'm talking about." Miranda stared at her confused. "I mean, it is Derek just nor really Derek. I mean…-" Addison took a deep breath and then launched into an explanation.

"I don't blame Derek for leaving. I mean I do, but it wasn't his fault."

"It wasn't anyone's fault."

"No, it wasn't _Derek's_ fault. It was mine."

Miranda tried protesting but Addison held up her hand, stopping her. "It was mine. I made the mistake, not Derek. I should be the one being crucified, but I'm not. Derek should hate me. I cheated on him with Mark Sloan. Forget everything about Derek being absent and inattentive. He made that mistake, but that wasn't what ended it. I made the worse mistake and now Derek, god Derek. He, he wants me back after all that. I slept with his best friend and he still wants me."

Tears rolled freely down her cheeks as Addison cried her heart out, Miranda's arms around her shoulders. They stayed that way, Miranda not saying anything, just letting Addison cry on her shoulder for a few minutes before she spoke up.

"You know what you need?"

"What?"

"A nice night out with the girls. You need to let go of all that. So Mcdoofus still wants you. Of course he does! You were married for twelve years, one mistake doesn't change all of that, it can't. And if it does, there wasn't enough to hold onto from the beginning."

Standing up from the couch, Miranda turned to Addison and held out her hand. "No one is being crucified on my watch, especially you. Now let's go."

.

.

The next few hours found Addison, Miranda, and Callie sitting at the bar in Joe's, talking about nothing and everything at the same time.

Addison had calmed down immensely from her talk with Bailey and the ramblings about George, Izzie, and Tucker took her mind off Derek and the proposal.

It was around nine o'clock when they decided to part ways and head off to their respective places. Addison headed back to Seattle Grace. She and Derek had made plans to go back to her house that night since they had spent the last week at the trailer and Derek understood her need to be in the civilized world.

.

Once she got to the hospital, a nurse informed her Derek was still in surgery so Addison decided to wander around a bit. Not really having any direction in mind, Addison somehow managed to make her way towards the nursery.

.

In New York she used to go to the nursery all the time. The sight of all the newborns used to calm her down and all the stress she was under seemed to disappear at the sight of the teeny tiny babies squirming and gurgling in their baskets.

Addi loved babies. They were the one thing in life that always made her happy. When her sister, Cadence, was born, she had been overjoyed. She had her very own baby to play with. It was just like a doll, only living and breathing.

Derek loved babies too. There was a time when he was almost obsessed with babies. For two months in the middle of their residency, he would take her up to the nursery every break they had. Not that Addison objected. It broke her heart when they talked about having a child. They both wanted one, but Addison just wasn't ready. Derek said he understood and that he'd wait for however long she wanted, however long she needed.

The thing was, Addison as ready. Her career had been going great, she and Derek were perfect, and she couldn't have been more ready to have a baby. Except she was afraid.

Her mother had died giving birth to Cadence and Cadence had died of ovarian cancer. While Addison didn't have cancer, the fears of birth complications were too much for her. The thought of bringing a child into the world that would never get to know its mother wasn't a thought she could stomach.

That's why she chose her specialty. She wanted to give women the chance that she was too afraid to take. The same chance her mother had taken, and died for.

If she could make sure that at the end of the day a baby would be going home with a mother and a father, well, that was good enough for her.

Addison just couldn't take the chance herself.

.

When she had gotten pregnant with Mark's baby, she almost went crazy. Not only was she still married to Derek, she had gotten pregnant form his best friend. The stress of that and the fear of what could, maybe, possible happen terrified her. She aborted the baby.

Addison had been tortured for weeks after that. No not weeks; months. She couldn't bear to live with herself.

Mark, through all his anger, still managed to be there with her after and help her through it. Deep down he understood and he was there for her.

.

A noise from behind broke Addison out of her reverie. Someone was standing behind her. She was too entranced by the babies to bother turning around.

"Addison."

She whirled around in shock and surprise. Slouched against the wall was the last person she expected to see right then.

"What are you doing here Mark?"

.

.

.


	15. Chapter 15

Saving Grace

**Chapter 15**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"What are you doing here Mark?"

"Good to see you too Addison."

Addison placed one hand on the windowsill and the other on her hip. She raised her eyebrow and looked at him.

"Don't worry. I'm only here for a few days. Quick consult and I'm gone."

"Good."

Mark laughed at her defensive tone. He sidled up to her, placing both his hands on the windowsill, effectively trapping her against it. He leaned towards her and whispered softly into her ear.

"Good that I'm leaving, or good that I've come back?"

Addison pushed him away from her. She headed for the elevator and pressed the button, waiting impatiently. The elevator came and she stepped in. The doors started to close but Mark's hand shot out, stopping them.

"Come on Addison. You're going to tell me that you're not even the least bit excited to see me?"

"Only so I can tell you how happy I am without you."

"Hey." He stopped the doors again and this time stepped into the elevator with her. "It's not my fault what happened, Addi."

"You left Mark."

"You couldn't take your eyes off Derek! I wasn't going to stick around to be your back up."

Addison rolled her eyes and pulled the emergency stop button.

"Is that why you're here Mark, to chastise me for wanting my husband back?"

"He's not your husband anymore Addison."

"That's not the point Mark. You can't just throw away twelve years. At least I'm not going to, so what did you come here for?"

"I already told you, a consult."

He made a move to push the emergency button and re-start the elevator. Addison smacked his hand away.

"That's bull. Since when does the great Mark Sloan travel to Seattle from New York for a consult without some ulterior motive?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"Well you just did."

"Addison…"

"No Mark, you left. After everything, you left."

Silence fell between the two. Addison moved to press the button and the elevator started to move again.

"Addison." She turned away from him. "Addison, please."

"What do you want Mark?"

"Addi, I love you. I know I left, but I still love you. I never stopped. I love you Addison."

Addison felt the world around her stop moving. After a day like she had today this was definitely something she did not want to hear. The elevator stopped, opening its doors and she stepped out, not looking back at Mark watching her leave.

.

.

Derek had just finished his surgery when he entered his office and was greeted by a kiss.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing. I just missed you today."

"Well, I missed you too." Derek gave her another small kiss. "You ready to go home, Addi?"

"Not yet, Derek. I want to go get a couple of drinks first."

Picking up his coat and bag, Derek wrapped his arms around Addison's waist and they walked out the door together. "Rough day?"

"You have no idea…"

.

They were halfway to Joe's when Derek's pager went off.

"What is it?" Addison asked

"They need me for a consult. Is it alright if I meet you there?"

"Sure. You go ahead. I'll wait for you at the bar."

"You're the best." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

.

Addison watched him run back across the street to the hospital. She finished making her way to Joe's and sat down at the counter, deciding to wait for Derek before she ordered anything alcoholic.

Sipping her water slowly, Addison heard the bell ring, signaling someone had just entered the room. It was George and Callie. Addison gave a small wave. Callie spotted her and pulled George over to the bar, sitting him down next to her.

"I thought you left earlier." Callie said removing her scarf, while George ordered drinks for them.

"I did. I was with Derek but he got called back for a consult. I'm waiting for him now."

"Don't hold your breath. We just came from there and things seem a bit hectic."

"It's alright, I don't mind waiting."

"Suit yourself."

.

.

The next ten minutes passed with the two of them chatting and drinking. George occasionally added in his own two cents. Soon Addison had a pleasant buzz. She had decided not to wait and thank god. It had been over forty five minutes since she had sat down and she had desperately needed that drink. The two that followed were just to wash down the first.

Addison tuned out for a while and let George and Callie talk about husband and wife stuff. Her eyes gazed around the room. She recognized the majority of the people from Seattle Grace, but no one she was really friends with.

Addison continued surveying the people and gagged on her drink when she saw Mark walking towards the bar. By the looks of it, he had been there for a while, probably in the corner since Addison hadn't noticed him when she came in.

"Dr. Montgomery, are you alright?" George asked her as she choked on her drink.

"Fine, O'Malley." She tried hiding behind her hand but Mark had already spotted her.

"Addison, what's the matter?" Callie noticed her attempt at disappearing. Addison was about to answer when Mark sat himself down on her other side.

"Yes Addison, what's the matter?" his breath reeked of alcohol.

"You are."

"Of course. It's always me, right? It's always Mark Sloan."

"How long have you been here Mark? How much have you had to drink?"

"Enough to ease the pain."

"Ease the pain, Addison, what is he talking about?" Callie asked.

"Yes Addison, what is he talking about?" Mark took another swig from his cup. Addison reached out to take it away.

"I think you've had enough Mark."

He grabbed the cup back. "I'll tell you when I've had enough." He gulped down the remains and slammed the glass back on the counter. "Now I've had enough." He turned around and got up off the stool. Addison followed him towards the door as he fumbled for his keys.

"Mark what are you doing? You can't drive like this."

He stormed out. "Just watch me."

"Addison, what are you doing?" Callie had followed her to the door, very confused by what was going on.

"I'm going with Mark."

"Addison, he's drunk! You can't get in the car with him."

"Yeah well, I refuse to let him drive alone in this condition." Callie shot her a nervous look. "Don't worry. We'll be fine. I just want to make sure he gets home in one piece."

"And I want to make sure you do too."

"Callie, it'll be fine!" and she was out the door.

"Idiots. Their both idiots."

.

.

Mark had just managed to start the car when the passenger door opened and Addison plopped herself down in the seat.

"Get out of the car Addison."

"No."

"I said get out of the car!"

"No Mark. I'm not leaving. Either let me drive home or get out of the car."

"Suit yourself." He slammed his foot onto the gas pedal and shot out of the parking lot onto the main road, narrowly missing colliding with a taxi.

"Mark! You're being crazy! You can't drive like this; you're going to get us killed!"

Addison kept yelling at him as he drove on, running through two red lights in a row.

"I can drive perfectly fine Addison. Nothing is going to happen!" He looked at her.

Addison shrieked and yanked the wheel when Mark swerved into the opposite lane. She could feel the car spinning; could hear the tires scraping against the asphalt. Somehow the motion ended and the car was left standing in the middle of the road, taking up both lanes.

Addison let out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. She looked in Mark's direction to yell at him again and something else caught her attention.

Glancing past him out of the window, her eyes widened in fear. The next thing either of them knew, they were jolted from the impact of a truck smashing into the tail end of the car. Addison felt the car spiraling and that was it before they slammed into the guardrail.

Everything went black.

.

.

Once Addison left with Mark, Callie and George deemed it best to go back to Seattle Grace and tell Derek about what had happened. Spotting him down the hall, George ran over.

"Dr. Shepherd, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Make it quick O'Malley. I have to go meet Addison."

"Well, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. You see-" he was cut off by the beeping of their pagers.

"It'll have to wait O'Malley. There's an emergency down in the ER."

"Shit." Callie ran after them hoping it wasn't what she thought and knowing she was wrong.

.

.

The sirens got louder and louder the closer they got.

Mark glanced to his side. It hurt to move, hell it hurt just to breath, but he needed to see Addi. Her head rested against the cracked window. Her red hair had escaped from its bun and was splayed out, mixed with blood and shards of glass.

"Oh god, Addi, I'm so sorry."

What had he done?

.

.

The medics approached the wreck of the car. Glass and shrapnel were splattered across the road. Approaching the car, one medic got into the backseat and began assessing the situation. He felt for a pulse on both victims.

He called into his radio and the words echoed through the night.

"I have one full arrest, there's no pulse."

.

.

.


	16. Chapter 16

Saving Grace

**Chapter 16**

**.**

**.**

**.**

This was the part Derek hated most. The waiting. Standing in the ER, anticipating what would greet him when the ambulance arrived. That had never been his strong suit. In fact, he absolutely hated this part. It was always Addison who was good at the waiting.

Speaking of Addison, where was she? She would have been paged too. He glanced around the room hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

The siren of the ambulance could be heard and it was another few minutes before the flashing lights were seen in the hospital driveway.

Heading out to meet the paramedics, Derek ran alongside Miranda Bailey.

"Miranda, have you seen Addison yet? She should be here already if they called her."

"She didn't answer her page." Derek stopped running. Bailey continued to the paramedics. That wasn't like Addi, not to answer a page. Derek suddenly had a bad feeling deep in his gut.

.

The doors opened and Derek saw one medic leaning over the victim doing chest compressions. The other was busy rattling off vitals.

"-involved in MVA, impact from rear. Victim found unconscious in full arrest. After two shocks, five of atropine and adrenaline, rhythm was restored; crashed in the bus five minutes out, we started CPR with another five of atropine, intubated in the field, V-FIB on monitor. The other victim is on the way."

The gurney rolled out of the ambulance and everything froze for a minute.

"Holy shit!" Karev voiced the same thought running through Derek's head.

Lying on the gurney covered in gashes and blood was Mark Sloan. Derek couldn't move. Mark's face was as white as a sheet and blood was pouring out of a wound on his chest. Derek barely heard Miranda telling Meredith to take over the compressions while she reached for the paddles and charged them to 350.

"Clear!"

Mark's body jumped at the shock and everyone turned to look at the monitor. There was no change.

"Give him 500 milligrams of bicarbonate!"

The rhythm disappeared from the screen.

"He's asystole-resume compressions!" Derek stood off to the side watching as they tried frantically to help Mark.

Bailey called for five of epi and then pulled Karev out of the room with her to go meet the second ambulance as Burke walked in, taking over.

.

.

Addison was in and out of consciousness as they headed towards Seattle Grace. She could feel a bunch of pokes and prods and was being asked a lot of questions, but it all seemed like gibberish to her.

The only thought that crossed her mind was _'Mark. What about Mark?'_

"……female, involved in MVA"

Miranda and Alex greeted the other paramedics bringing in the second victim. Glancing down at the stretcher, Alex's eyes widened.

"Wait, is this victim involved in the same accident you brought in before?"

"Yeah, same vehicle. That guy was the driver. The impact was on the rear end of the car. She was pinned against the guard rail and extricated by Fire and Rescue; loss of consciousness in the field, but no vomiting; in and out of consciousness during evacuation. BP 150 over 80, pulse 87, saturation 97 on room air."

The chief called to them from the doors to the ER. "What have we got?"

"It's Addison!"

He ran towards them the last few feet and took over the situation.

"Addison. Talk to me." Her eyes rolled under their lids before opening a tiny bit. She seemed to be staring past them, not at them. Miranda grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

"Can you hear me Addison? Come on, squeeze my hand." Addison locked eyes with her, but it might've just been a trick of her imagination as Addison's eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side.

"Damn it! Get her into one of the trauma rooms and don't let Shepherd see her until she's stable!" Richard ordered as he placed a hand on the side of her neck, feeling for her pulse.

Miranda nodded and continued on with Karev. Richard turned towards the room where Mark was being taken care of. He could see Burke put on gloves and a robe. Pushing the door open, he stepped inside.

"What's happening?"

Preston looked up at the monitor and said "We're going to have to crack him." He sterilized Mark's chest and made an incision before asking for the saw.

"Alright, I'm through the sternum. Hand me the rib spreader." He stuck his hand inside Mark's chest and started feeling around.

"I feel a tear in the aorta. Give me 4.0 silk, I'm going to try and repair the damage." Burke quickly sewed up the rip and began internal compressions. His eyes stayed glued to the monitor, just like Derek's.

"Come on Mark, you have to pull through this." He whispered, more to himself than anything.

The bad feeling in his gut was getting worse by the minute and he couldn't bear it. He heard Burke ask for another round of meds and the internal paddles. The chief handed them over.

"Charge to 40. Clear!"

Derek needed to get out of there. The beeping from the machines was driving him crazy, but he couldn't leave. He glanced once more at his friend lying on the bed. Derek felt as if he were drifting. This wasn't real, it wasn't happening.

Derek wasn't in the trauma room, Preston Burke wasn't standing there with his hands inside a man's chest. Mark wasn't lying there; cold as ice and pale as his life drained from him. None of that was happening…

.

"How long has it been?"

Derek was snapped out of his daze by Preston's voice.

"Fifty-seven minutes. You have to call it."

Preston glanced at Derek, as if to ask his permission. Silently, Derek pleaded with him.

_'Please don't, not yet. I can't lose him yet.'_ Preston seemed to understand and looked away from him and back at the monitor, knowing the rhythm wasn't going to change.

A few minutes passed when the chief spoke up.

"Dr. Burke." All eyes turned to him. "You have to call it Preston."

This time he didn't look at Derek. Preston stepped solemnly back from the table and slowly removed his bloodied gloves.

"Time of death, 12:37."

.

Derek felt his world crashing down, and the only thing he could think of was Addison. He needed her so badly just then, more than he had ever needed her before and she wasn't there with him. She wasn't there to say goodbye to Mark.

Mark.

He ran out of the room, not being able to stay there anymore. He needed to find Addison.

Things seemed to be just as hectic outside as they had been inside the room. Derek headed down the hall hoping to find Addison when he finally spotted her.

"Addison! What happened?" he ran over to the stretcher being wheeled away. He ran alongside her, a death grip on her hand, the other running through her hair.

"Derek."

"Miranda, please. What the hell happened?"

"She was in the car with Mark."

Derek felt his heart sink even more. "Oh god. Addi…what's wrong with her? She's going to be fine, right? Please tell me she's going to be alright." He brought her hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on the cool skin. Her hair stood out against the color of her face, at least the parts that weren't covered in cuts and dirt. Her normally full red lips were thin and matched the pallid tone of her skin. She almost looked….

_'No. She's not dead.'_

"She'll be fine Derek. Addison will be fine." A few tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "She has a slight concussion, a broken arm, multiple lacerations, and she lost a lot of blood. We're going to keep her here in the ICU for observation for a bit, but she's going to be just fine."

"Thank you Miranda. I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't here."

"Then it's good you'll never have to know."

As soon as Addison was settled in her bed, Miranda turned to leave.

"If you need anything Derek, anything at all, just page me, all right? I'll come as fast as I can." He gave her a small smile as she patted his shoulder and left him and Addison alone.

.

Derek sat there, just watching the rise and fall of her chest. The events of the past two hours replayed themselves over and over in his head. The sound of the heart monitor flat-lining wouldn't leave him alone and he found himself sitting there, his head in his hands, crying his eyes out for his lost friend.

He felt Addison's body shift under the weight of his arms and he jumped up grabbing her and once again and placing the other on the side of her face. Her eyelids fluttered a bit; she was waking up.

"Addi? Addison, can you hear me? Come on baby, wake up. Open your eyes for me Addi. That's my girl…"

Slowly Addison's eyes fluttered open and her gaze landed on Derek. She tried talking but winced at the dryness of her throat.

"Shh baby, you don't have to talk." He ran his hand through her hair and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so glad you're all right." He smiled down at her and she managed a small one back.

"What happened?" her voice was raspy and horse.

"Don't you remember Addi? You were in an accident. You scared us really badly." He could see the glimmer of recollection in her eyes.

"I do. I remember getting in the car, spinning, the truck hitting us, but…wait, what about Mark. Derek, where's Mark?"

Derek looked away from her, tears threatening to overcome him.

"Derek?"

.

.

.


	17. Chapter 17

Saving Grace

**Chapter 17**

**.**

**.**

**.**

'_Mark…What about Mark? Where's Mark?'_

_._

_._

Addison jolted awake in bed. A wave of nausea overcame her as she glanced around the room. Making her way to the small bathroom, she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. The noise of her retching woke Derek who was sleeping in the chair next to her bed.

He had hardly left Addison's side since the accident.

Rushing over, he squatted down next to her, rubbing a hand up and down her back to sooth her and moving the few stray hairs out of her face.

Mark was gone.

As much trouble as he had caused, he had still been their best friend. Addison's father had called numerous times, as well as Derek's parents, expressing condolences. Addison's father was taking the news almost as bad as Mark's parents.

The whole hospital seemed subdued afterwards but life continued. Patients still needed to be taken cared of; lives needed to be saved.

A memorial had been held the day after and the funeral wouldn't be for another couple of weeks. The body needed to be flown back to New York where arrangements were being made by Mark's parents.

Another wave of nausea hit Addison. The hand on the back of her neck did little to sooth her.

.

It had been three days. Three days since the accident. Valentine's day and Addison's birthday had passed in a whirlwind of crying and sleeping. The only acknowledgment was a bouquet of roses and a small dinner in her hospital room.

Addison had only stayed in the hospital for four nights before she begged to be let go. It was just too much for her. Everyone had been very understanding, and since there was no physical reason left for her to stay, Addison had been allowed to rest at home.

Richard called at least twice a day to check up on her, along with Miranda, Callie and surprisingly enough Meredith Grey had called once or twice. Derek's cases had been taken over by the chief so that he could stay with Addison as they both tried to find comfort in each other over the loss of someone so close.

.

Derek shifted, so that he could stand up and help Addison as well. The nausea finally passed and she was exhausted. Her face was pale and covered with a light sheen of sweat; her eyes red and puffy from crying.

Derek understood that Addison would need time. Her and Mark had been more than just best friends. Mark had been like a brother to him and Derek would need time as well, but Mark and Addison had shared more than that together. There was a time when they had truly loved one another in a way he couldn't understand and he knew that Addison would need time.

But Derek was starting to worry. Every morning Addison had woken up feeling sick and most days it lasted until the evening. Something else was going on and he couldn't pinpoint it. Addison was no help.

Back when they were in New York, Addison had gotten the flu once and Derek had no idea until about four days later. Addison had spent most of her time at the hospital, working like a dog, not saying a thing about how she was feeling. Then one day she just dropped and had to be forced to take time off before she got everyone sick.

Addison would probably be the same way now. She had too much pride.

.

Derek helped Addison over to the bed and sat down on the corner, watching as she got comfortable.

"Thank you." Her voice was hoarse from crying.

"My pleasure." He gave her a small smile. She let out a sigh and grabbed his hand, holding it gently.

"It's been a rough couple of days, hasn't it?"

Derek leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on her hand. "Very." Addison returned his kiss and shifted so she was lying down.

"Yes. Very rough." A yawn escaped. Derek stood up from the bed and headed towards the door.

"I'm going to go into the den for a bit so that you can get some rest." Addison gave him a small smile before she rolled over, her back facing the door. "Addi?"

She rolled onto her back, her head facing him. "Are you alright?"

"Sweetie, I'm fine." He glanced at her skeptically. "Really."

"It's just-"

"I'm just tired." She rolled back over.

Derek left the room. His ass she was just tired.

.

.

.


	18. Chapter 18

Saving Grace

**Chapter 18**

**.**

**.**

**.**

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

The second hand reached the twelve and once again began another journey around the clock. Derek's eyes followed its path intensely. He had only been watching for a couple of minutes but to him, it seemed like more than an hour.

Leaving Addi's room, he had tried to get comfortable in the den. Turning on the TV, he flipped through a few channels. There was an action movie playing on channel four, and a comedy on seven, but neither interested him.

His eyes had drooped closed from exhaustion.

.

.

It had been a restless hour.

Getting up from the couch, Derek tiptoed towards Addison's room and opened the door quietly. She was sleeping. Her hair was spread out over the pillow; the blue of the sheets contrasting with the red, and there was a little color to her cheeks.

Derek shut the door. He'd wake her a little later to eat. Neither of them had eaten much in the past few days and food would do them good.

Derek made his way over to the kitchen and started making lunch. Nothing extravagant, just sandwiches. Once he was done with that, he made his way back to the den where he found himself staring at the clock.

.

Derek had fallen asleep again at some point. Not realizing where he was a first, he sat up startled, wondering what had woken him. Then he remembered he was at Addison's apartment.

He got up and went back to her room, the sound of shuffling feet coming from inside.

Derek knocked gently on the door before opening it and stepping in.

Addison was standing in the middle of the room, between her bed and the bathroom. Her face was white. The color that had been present during her nap had completely drained from her cheeks.

"I'm fine Derek." Addison said as Derek rushed over to her. He ignored her and placed one hand around her waist and gently guided her to the chair. It was closer to the bathroom than the bed was. He couldn't take it anymore.

"No you're not." He sat her down and took a seat on the corner of her bed. "Addi, look at yourself."

"Derek…"

"Seriously, Addison, you're not fine. You're as white as a sheet." Her gaze transferred to the floor and Derek managed to catch a glimpse of a tear escape from the corner of her eye.

"I can't take this anymore. Something's going on, and if you won't tell me then I'll just have to figure it out by myself."

He stood up from the bed and made his way out the bedroom door. He meant what he said. If Addi wouldn't tell him than he'd figure it out on his own. After closing the door a little more forcefully than he had intended Derek made his way to the kitchen, the sound of Addison's quiet sobbing accompanying him.

He headed straight to the phone and dialed a number.

"Miranda, I need a favor."

.

.

"Thanks for coming." Derek was shoved aside as Miranda Bailey stormed through the doorway of the apartment.

"Don't thank me. I didn't come for you." Her eyes scanned the apartment. "Where is she?" without waiting for Derek to answer, she headed towards the rear of the apartment.

"In the bedroom." He raced after her. "But wait."

Miranda stopped short, turning around to face him, a hand on her hip.

"Yes?"

"We need your help."

"That's why I'm here. Tell me again what's been going on."

"She's just…She's not…She's not Addi. She hasn't been herself and she's been throwing up a lot."

"Every morning?" Derek nodded. Miranda cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Are you really that thick?"

"What? What's going on?"

"For Christ's sake, you're a brain surgeon. Even a dim-wit could figure it out." She turned around and continued down the hall, stopping in front of Addison's room. "I'm going to go inside and talk with her. You go away and think."

.

Addison looked up as the door creaked open. She wasn't shocked to see Miranda walk into the room.

"So he called you?" Miranda sat down on the bed making herself comfortable. Addison had stayed in the chair, not moving since Derek had come in earlier. A pile of tissues had formed at her feet.

"What's going on Addison?" Miranda just sat there, watching her.

A few more tears fell from Addison's face and Miranda handed her one of the extra boxes of tissues on the bed.

"It's just, everything that's been happening. The accident, and…Mark." A small sob escaped.

"But it's not that, is it?" Addison shook her head as she blew her nose. "So tell me."

"I'm tired, my breasts are sore, I have headaches and I'm constantly nauseous."

"You're pregnant." It wasn't a question. Addison burst into tears. "Are you sure?"

Addison nodded. "I might not be a brain surgeon, but even a dim-wit could figure it out."

Soon the box of tissues was finished. Tears continued to stream down Addison's face.

"How far along are you?"

"Six and a half weeks."

"Are you positive?" Another nod. "And the father, you haven't told him." Addison shook her head. More tissues joined the pile on the floor.

"Why not?"

"I wasn't sure."

"But now you're certain?"

"Almost completely."

"So what are you busy crying about? Derek's right outside. Go tell him so he can stop worrying and you can both live happily ever after."

Addison didn't get a chance to answer as she jumped up from the chair and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. The sound of retching soon followed. Miranda stood helplessly by as she waited for Addison to come back out.

The door swung slowly open. Addison sat on the floor in front of the toilet looking worn out.

Miranda wet a small towel and, squatting next to Addison, gently ran it across her forehead.

"Addison, why are you so upset? You've always wanted a baby."

There were no more tears left, but her eyes shined. "I do, I really do." Miranda waited patiently for Addison to continue. "It's just…" Addison paused, taking a deep breath.

"Miranda, I'm terrified."

.

.

.


	19. Chapter 19

Saving Grace

**Chapter 19**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Of course you are."

Both women made their way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. Addison cradled her legs to her chest, while Miranda turned her body towards her, placing a hand on Addison's knee and giving it a small pat.

"It's normal to feel scared at first, the feeling will go away. You know that."

Addison nodded. She did know that. But it wasn't the normal worries that bothered her and she said so.

"Well then what is it? Is it Derek? Because if it is I can promise you that if he even gives you the smallest amount of grief I will kick his McDreamy ass so hard-"

"No Miranda, it's not that." Definitely not that. She wasn't worried about Derek's reaction in the slightest. She knew he would be the complete opposite of mad. Derek had wanted children for so long and now his wish would come true.

Addison had wanted children as well, she was just too afraid. So many things could go wrong in a pregnancy. Addison, of all people, knew how true that was, not just because of her job.

.

Her mother had died from complications. It had taken Addison years to come to terms with it. And then Cadence had died. Addison had been 22 at the time and her little sister's death from ovarian cancer had affected her more deeply than she let on.

She and her mother were both carriers for the disease; had both had a 15-45 chance of becoming sick. The luck of the draw had fallen on Cadence.

If Addison were to become pregnant, her chances of getting sick wouldn't be affected, but cancer occurs in 1 out of every 1000 pregnancies and she was terrified to take the risk. Not to mention the other handful of complications that could come up.

Addison shivered from the thought.

"What is it?"

For a moment, Addison had completely forgotten that Miranda was in the room with her. She was tempted to tell Miranda exactly what was bothering her, her fears of being pregnant, but she decided against it. If she voiced her worries, she knew they would become something more. They would take over just like they had years ago when her and Derek had first gotten married and then again, when she aborted Marks baby. She had been too weak-minded to carry out the pregnancy.

This time she wasn't going to be weak. She would be strong. Strong for Derek who she knew would be ecstatic and strong for this baby.

"It's nothing." She finally turned to answer Miranda. "I guess you're right. The feeling will go away."

She was going to do this.

Oh god…Addison was going to have a baby. Excitement started to set in.

.

Addison had stopped crying a while ago, much to Miranda's pleasure.

She had no qualms about yelling or offering advice, but the one thing she detested more than whiners were criers-especially adult criers- and, for a couple of minutes, Addison had joined that category. But now it was over; she was calmed down and didn't seem to be as upset as before. Now Addison seemed downright giddy, and she was.

"Thank you, Miranda."

"No problem. You would have been fine on your own."

Addison thought about it. Maybe she would have been fine on her own, but she couldn't be sure. She wasn't even sure if she was going to be all right in a week or even a month. All she knew was that she was all right now.

She smiled exuberantly. She was really going to do this. And even if there would be a time when she wouldn't be fine, Addison knew she would have help.

Miranda spoke up again, breaking into Addison's thoughts.

"Now that that's all settled, you have plenty to do." She stood up from the bed, pulling Addison with her. "First things first, you have to talk to that pea-brain of yours. I wouldn't be surprised if he already dropped dead from worry."

Addison chuckled. "He's a bit over-protective, isn't he?"

"Whatever he is, you have to deal with him, not me." They made their way towards the door. "Secondly, you need to find a doctor. You're almost two months along. You and that baby both need to be taken care of."

Miranda turned the knob. A loud thump followed as Derek fell to the floor; the open door no longer supporting his weight.

Miranda smirked. "Lord knows what'll happen if we leave you alone with him."

Addison laughed. "Thanks Miranda. I mean it." She walked Miranda to the front door, leaving Derek crumpled on the floor. They paused and embraced each other briefly before saying goodbye.

.

"Ow…" Derek pouted his lips as Addison made her way back over to him.

"That's what you get for eavesdropping." Derek picked himself up from the floor and stood up straight in front of Addison. The color was back in her cheeks and she looked high-spirited.

Derek wrapped his arms around Addison and gently pulled her towards him.

"Is it true?"

Addison's eyes twinkled while she nodded; giving Derek the answer he was hoping for.

"I'm pregnant." A small smile graced her lips as she saw Derek's eyes light up, but it was nothing compared to the one that stretched across his face as he picked her up and swung her around, laughing.

"Addi! That's great!"

She giggled as he continued to twirl her. "I know."

"We're going to have a baby!"

.

.

.


	20. Chapter 20

**Saving Grace**

**Chapter 20**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Addi! We're going to be late if you don't hurry up!"

"I'm working on it!"

Addison tried as hard as she could to pull the zipper of her skirt closed. She tugged on the designer fabric, begging it to zip, but it was no use. The damn thing wouldn't close. Apparently, Dolce & Gabana didn't favor pregnant women.

Addison was now two months into her second trimester and as much as she had hoped to be one of those women who could hold off until their 7th month to buy maternity clothes, well, God had other plans.

In the middle of her fourth month a bulge had formed by her abdomen, and a not a tiny bulge either. It made it almost impossible for Addison to fit into her usual outfits.

There were very few skirts or pants in her wardrobe that were able to fit comfortably anymore, and the fact that they wouldn't made Addison want to wear them all the more-hence the fight she was putting up with at the moment.

"Zip you damn skirt, zip!"

It was no use. Panting from the effort she had put in, Addison tugged the skirt off and flung it onto the pile of clothes that had formed at the base of her bed. Placing her hands on her hips, she stood herself in front of the mirror, examining her body. From the front, she looked the same as always, but from the side….well.

.

"Addison, what are you doing?"

Addison started when Derek showed up besides her. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

Pouting, Addison turned away from the mirror.

"Nothing fits anymore." Her pout became more exaggerated. She turned sideways and continued to stare at the bump protruding. She looked down and gently ran her hand over it.

"Addi…"

"What?" Derek came up behind her, placing his chin on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her; his hand following hers around the baby bulge. "You've always wanted to be one of those women. You know the ones that people would stop in the store and ask when their due date is. You want people to know you're pregnant, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then stop pouting." He kissed her neck softly. "It ruins your smile and gives you wrinkles."

Addison giggled as Derek continued kissing her, trailing from right under her ear to the tip of her collar bone, tickling her gently. "See? The smile suits you so much better."

Addison turned in his arms to face Derek and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You sure you'll still love me as I get fatter and fatter?"

"You keep smiling and I'll love you forever." Derek planted one last kiss on her forehead and slowly pulled away from Addison.

"Now, it's time for you to get dressed because we are very late for work."

.

.

"Good morning Shepherd."

"Morning Dr. Burke." Derek returned the greeting as he entered the locker room, Addison coming in behind him.

"Hey Preston."

"Good morning Addison. How're you feeling?"

"We're good." She made a small gesture towards her stomach. Burke smiled, pulling his scrub top over his head.

"That's good."

"Yeah it is." Addison returned his smile. "I'm going to go head upstairs."

"Alright. See you for lunch?" Derek gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and held the door open for her.

"Sure. Hi Miranda."

"Morning." Bailey entered the room as Addison left.

"I have to get going as well." Burke followed Addison out of the room.

"See you Preston." Burke nodded at Derek and Bailey as the door swung slowly shut. "Hey Miranda."

"Dr. Shepherd."

Derek headed over to his locker and started sifting through the contents while Miranda headed over to hers. The next few minutes passed in silence. Soon, Derek felt the odd sensation of being watched. Sure enough Bailey was standing there, her patent glare facing in his direction.

"What?"

"She looks happy."

"Excuse me?"

"Addison. She looks happy." Her glare darkened a bit

"And you're upset about that why?"

"When are you going to screw it up?"

"Screw it up?"

"That's right. Screw- it- up." Miranda placed her hands on her hips as Derek stared at her in disbelief. "Inevitably, you're going to. Every time something goes right with you two, you mess it up. You do something stupid like-"

"Let me stop you right there Miranda. I love Addison, I love her and there's no way I'm going to screw this up."

"I'm glad to hear it." Miranda's stare let up a bit. "And you promise you're not going to leave her?"

"I'm about to be a father Miranda! Addison is carrying _my_ child. I'm not going anywhere."

Miranda turned on her heel and headed for the door.

"Wait a minute! That's it? What the hell was that for?"

"This is Addison. She's happy at the moment, no doubt, and I want to make sure she stays that way. She's gone through hell- a lot of it because of you. I just needed to make sure that she's going to have you behind her one hundred percent during the rest of this pregnancy."

"Trust me Miranda. I get that this is a big deal. I refuse to screw up."

"Good."

"Hey, Miranda? What do you think?"

Bailey turned around to face Derek. "I had wanted to give her this, but then the accident happened and…Well, what do you think?"

A small smile stretched across Miranda's face as she took the tiny black velvet box from Derek, examining the ring inside.

"I think it's perfect."

.

.

.

**Epilogue:**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"_Derek."_

"_Derek…"_

"Derek!"

"Huh? What? What's going on?" Derek ran a hand over his face tiredly. "what's going on?"

"Derek…my water broke."

Derek jerked upright. Addison was sitting up on her side of the bed, breathing heavily and clutching her round stomach. "What?"

She looked at him. In the moonlight, Derek could see that her face was covered with a sheen of sweat. Then he noticed that the sheets were wet. He jerked upright.

"Your water broke."

.

The next few minutes were chaotic as Derek began throwing clothes and other necessities into a suitcase. He rushed around the room, grabbing the different things Addison pointed out as she pulled her very pregnant self out of bed and towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To shower."

"To shower—Addison, you're about to have a baby! You can't shower now!"

She shuffled closer to the door. "I feel disgusting. I want to shower before we go."

"You're going to feel more disgusting later. Come on." Derek walked over to her, intending to steer her out to the hall.

"But Derek—"

"No buts, Addi. We need to get to the hospital."

"The baby isn't here yet, I have time to shower. My contractions haven't even sta—" her words were cut off as she let out a moan. Bending over, Addison grabbed her stomach tightly.

Derek grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly. "Just breathe."

"I know what to do, Derek!" Her grip relaxed and he asked "Is it over?"

"Yes. I've birthed women for years; you'd think one of them would have let me know just how painful this is…"

Derek gave her a smile. "Can we go to the hospital _now_?"

Addison nodded fervently and Derek had to resist the urge to laugh as he helped her down the stairs and into the car.

He buckled Addison in and turned to head back into the house. She grabbed his sleeve. "Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to get the suitcase."

His eyes flitted across her face as she gripped his sleeve tighter. Her knuckles were white and Derek could see panic begin to etch itself into her features. It was a startling contrast to the calmness Addison had exuded upstairs. "I'll be right back, ok? And then we'll be out of here, I promise."

Addison nodded again and let go of his shirt. "Hurry, Derek."

.

When he got back to the car, Addison was in the middle of a contraction. He threw the suitcase into the trunk and ran around to the driver side; hopping in and starting the motor.

"What the hell took you so long?!"

"Is this what all laboring moms are like?" Derek asked amusingly as he put on his seatbelt. Addison glared at him. Derek chuckled as he looked her over.

Her hair was in complete disarray with wisps of it escaping the bun she had put it in before bed. Sweat shone on her face as she panted heavily. Throwing her head back against the seat as another contraction struck her, Addison wrapped on hand around her belly and the other clutched at the armrest.

Derek smiled as the diamond ring she was wearing caught the light from the streetlamp.

"Hey, Addi?"

"What?" she grumbled at him.

"I love you."

"Derek, I swear, if you don't get some drugs into me right now…"

He chuckled again as he pulled away from the sidewalk. "Let's go have our baby."

"Drive carefully!"

"I will, Addi."

"And Derek?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you, too."

.

.

.

Author's note: well there you have it folks! The finished version of "Saving Grace". I hope you all enjoyed! I know I enjoyed writing it (the first time around) and I'm sorry for wreaking havoc when I put it on hiatus for a while.

Anyways, I'd love to know what your thoughts are. Reviews are always appreciated especially since by deleting the previous version of this story I deleted all the reviews/favorites which kind of sucks so I'd like to know if you enjoyed and if you'd like to see more of my work in the future.

Drop me a line! Even if it's not about "Saving Grace". I always like hearing from new people


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